in vino veritas

gotta make this one quick

2009-06-29T17:17:00.002-04:00

OK. This is too stupid not to blog about. I'm glad that it was a guilty verdict and sad that someone had to die. Still, my question is, what the hell the defense attorney thought this was going to accomplish. I mean, yeah, drug side-effects are bad. Still, there's no surgeon general warning, or FDA warning that says that one of the side-effects of taking this drug is HOMICIDE! Sure, dry-mouth, anxiety, blotch skin can be a side-effect but not homicide. Although I guess this would be more along the lines of "may cause gambling urges." What the hell kind of side-effect is that? That's too specific to be a side-effect.

goodbye tonight show

2009-05-30T02:28:00.002-04:00

Goodbye. It was a fun 17 years, many enjoyable moments and celebrities. The times we had. Hello Conan.

Now, for some serious stupidity. Really? They're against the Predator drones? You can't see all of those other planes that drop bombs either. Yup, blame the unmanned plane. That's what kills all of those innocent people, not the actual bombs that explode on impact. Besides, you can hear those manned planes because those damn pilots can't keep their mouths shut. You can hear them from miles away (and above).

Oops doesn't cover it. You know, there's plenty of blame to go around. I really don't think she should have to pay those medical expenses. Maybe get some money in return. Still, I think our healthcare system is a bit overwhelmed. Maybe we should fix that, and the 7-digit figure she'll be getting probably won't help that cause any.

Not funny news, good people doing good things. What got me was the headline link from the main page. It said "Pizza Man Helps Save Rape Victim From Remote Cabin." There's so many things wrong with that statement. First, who gets raped by a remote cabin? OK, rape isn't funny. Still. Secondly, Pizza Man? That's just got to be the worse superhero name ever. I mean, good for a late gaming session or drink fest, but not a good superhero name. What do I know though? As long as he gets the job done and saves the day.

Oh. Army MPs (military police) always making things so interesting. Always doing the right thing, looking out for the interests of the Army.

memorial day

2009-05-25T23:41:00.002-04:00

So let's see what's been going on the Social Darwinism front.

What a failure. OK, so he planned to kill four students plus himself. Here's what end up happening, he shot at a teacher and missed. Then he shot himself and it took him a week to die from the self-inflicted wound. Miserable on every level. He was barely able to kill himself.

More proof that we're headed for doom. I really don't see how this could possibly be a good thing. I don't even understand how this could even be a show. No bad. Bad TV execs.

Umm. There are no words to describe this. It says "Police did not know if she had an attorney." What it should say is "Police did not know if she had a brain."

Oh, if only there were more people like Lai willing to push these f**kers off bridges. I'm not too sure I'd do anything different if I were in that situation.

Wow. I'm barely on Twitter. What the hell? I feel old. I wonder if our parents got a breakdown list like this about the old-school pager codes. FMLTWIA????

twitter it

2009-05-19T10:02:00.002-04:00

Surprise, surprise. That's just got to be the worse way to prove someone's cheating on you. Try explaining that when they grow up. "Your mom's a ho" seems to cover it.

It's not Hammer Time. Self-inflicted stab wounds, that takes some dedication.

Can you really call it an epidemic?

Who?

scheduled outage

2009-05-12T22:08:00.002-04:00

I've been watching The Guild. OK, I've already watched Seasons 1 & 2. It's great, I love Felicia Day. Maybe it's the gaming, violin, singing, or general nerdy-ness. Heck, it could be the Sears Blue Appliance Crew commercial. I don't know. Of course like any good obsession, I spent several hours watching The Guild instead of writing a paper for class. Well, I guess it wouldn't be a good obsession if it didn't interfere with normal life. I needed something to interrupt my 10 season + 2 movies, Stargate SG-1 marathon. Yup, I need to get a job.

There's just something not right with all of this. I can't put my finger on it. Hmm. I can believe suicide. I can believe digging a ditch. I can believe covering the hole with brush. What's got me is why a suicide would dig a grave and then shoot yourself. Cuz this explanation seems far from the norm. He dug a ditch, put himself in it, covered it up, and then shot himself? That's the only way it could've gone according to the article. Usually you shoot first, dig the ditch, and then cover it up. Now if it's premeditated you dig the ditch first, shoot someone, toss them in and cover it up. It's just that covering up the grave is to conceal its location. Dead people don't care where they're located (or at least they don't complain about it that much). Well, I'll never know the mind of a suicidal person, especially when they blow their brains out.

Well, it was just a matter of time. I blame the superhero movies, people taking the law into their own hands. It's the lawmakers that make crappy laws, law enforcement that can't do their job, the lack of funds for law enforcement. Nope, I blame the superhero movies.

Why I don't accept gifts from neighbors.

and there it is

2009-03-27T01:08:00.002-04:00

Hehe. This put a smile on my face. It reminded me of Doofy from Scary Movie. Hilarious. Don't bother him when he's vacuuming his car. Speaking of movie references to stuff in the news, here's one that reminded me of Hot Shots! when Deadmeat ejected from his plane, survived but then was hit by the ambulance. That's what I thought the article was going to be about.

Not funny. Except for the end... "such a stiff sentence is unlikely." Really? You don't think that innuendo is bad in this case?

Ugh.

it's funny cuz it's true

2009-03-19T12:22:00.002-04:00

While I applaud the idea of "thinking outside of the box" I feel that this is just a little too far out of said box. I'm sorry but I don't believe that Creationism is a science. I am just not firm believer that a scientist shouldn't disregard a theory just because it doesn't jive with the Holy Bible. I do believe that there is plenty of room in science for religion, but just not a whole lot of room in religion for science according to the Creationists.

Speaking of outside the box, I think this lady isn't just outside of the box she fell off the edge. Well, I'm not sure because I think the universe is spherical, or at least as spherical as an M-theory universe can be.

How bad does your life have to be to get help from Baldwin brothers, Stephen and Danny? I mean, seriously and it to be news? Isn't there anything better to report on in celebrity news? Anyone dying of some sort of brain injury? What? Too soon?

While it's related to the whole celebrity brain injury thing, helmets in this case don't save lives. Not in this instance. It doesn't do anything in skydiving either. To quote Jerry Seinfeld, "at that point, the helmet's wearing you..." Which I always found to be funny, not because of the personification of a helmet but it almost doesn't make sense. When we think skydiving accident, I'm sure that most of us think "chute didn't open." However, there's other injuries that occur too in which a helmet would save your life or prevent serious injury. We just can't help but think of the most extreme cases, which makes the joke funny.

Hahaha. I like the comment at the end. "A small price to pay to say you have a "flying car." Air quotes are required whenever you do." I wonder who's going to be able to afford the "flying car" with the economy the way it is.

One could take from this article that NASA condones killing helpless bats. Sure they did a risk assessment, no harm to the orbiter. I thought they were out there to advance the knowledge of the planet. The whole planet, bats included. How can they continue to believe that when the road is paved over bats? I hope you sleep well tonight NASA. Too much?

playing doctor

2009-03-14T11:55:00.002-04:00

Funniest thing this week. Made my day. Of course it adds new meaning to "wanna come over and play doctor?" For better or worse is yet to be determined.

common? sense

2009-03-11T00:07:00.002-04:00

Crap. Here's the plot of the next National Treasure movie. Not that I'm opposed to them, just Nicolas Cage's receding hairline.

Not funny, but at least they didn't break the first rule of fight club. OK, it is kinda funny. But I'm thinking of tard strength, which is like the Hulk in most instances. You don't want to get into a fight with one, they have the strength of 10 men!

Another Nationwide commercial?

I'm just a student of criminal justice, but I'd have to say that he's most likely very connected to this case. At a minimum, he helped dispose of the body. Best case scenario, he killed her and then disposed of the body, went off his rocker and killed himself. Yay!

That's absurd. Don't these senators and representatives go to strip clubs themselves? If they don't, what's wrong with enjoying the show without a state imposed cover charge? Up next, the cover charge of fast food restaurants and a little extra to use the drive-thru. Bad government, don't impose taxes on patrons of private companies.

What I want to know about this "God spot" is if I surgically remove it from a believer would they instantly become a nonbeliever? Honestly, I'm just surprised they used the terms believer and nonbeliever in their article. I mean, what defines belief in God? Churchgoers don't necessarily believe in God, at the same time there are people that could be categorized as nonbelievers that do believe in God. As if believing in science precludes the notion of God. Blah, I'd talk for days about this subject.

Of course. Who wouldn't?

spreads like butter

2009-03-07T01:56:00.002-05:00

OK, I'm not against assisted suicide, but I have to ask what did the husband have? Did he just want to die with his wife? That's cool, it's about choice I think. What confuses me is the Dignity in Dying charity organization saying that they'd still be alive if they had it in England. Uh, no. They'd still be dead. That's the point of the whole thing right? Unless they mucked it up and then they'd be alive, in a lot of pain but alive. Yeah, sure they could've put it off longer but they sounded motivated.

Environmentally friendly bullets? Really? You don't think that not having bullets would be more environmentally friendly? I'm not saying to stop war or any of that, but I do think that bullets do have a negative impact on the environment due to overhunting of certain species. I'm just saying, I think there'd be less hunting if we had to use a bow and arrow. It's a good idea I think, I spent 3 years purifying lead from water for drinking purposes.

It's stuff like this that pisses me off. Trying to be all PC. Maybe I am being all sexist when I'm saying firemen or mailmen, maybe it's just what I learned as a kid. I know, that's not right. I learned it wrong (or something) but sue me I'm comfortable with it. Do I want to spring for the sign that reads "Men, Women, and Transgender at Work?" No. The point isn't to identify what kind of people working on the side of the road, it's to POINT OUT THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. I'd be fine with a "People at Work" sign as a compromise but not just to be inclusive of everyone. Besides, an 80's band called "People at Work" probably wouldn't have done as well.

I would've called her bluff. I bet you she would've found someone to take care of the kids really quick when you started issuing combat boots to them. Sure it would've been a public relations nightmare, but I think it would've gotten the point across to people. Now you've set a precedence. Husband travels for work? Not as much while she's deployed. If not, we would use a couple extra sets of eyes on convoy duty. Huh, look how a caretaker magically appears.

If I ever commit a crime I'm doing it in Canada. No, seriously. I mean, what's the deterrence there? Kill your kids? 3 years. Criminal negligence? One count? Um, there's at least two counts there, one for each kid. Oh, is counting different in Canada? And screw the Yellow Quill First Nation! Let's assume that their statement is true, that the deaths were an accident. Fine. Who was responsible for them? They were 1 and 3, not capable of making decisions like this on their own. He was responsible, thus negligence. What what what? He was drunk? That's not a get-out-of-jail-free card, in fact that should be an aggravating circumstance. On another note, by the time he's released from prison (if he serves his full sentence) the kid will be old enough for him to leave out in a blizzard.

I can see their point, I mean locking him up to keep him from stealing their food. But from a criminal justice side I have to say: 40's is elderly? Couldn't they find something better to charge them with? Like criminal confinement, cuz I think she won't be found guilty of injury of an elderly person.

I guess there really isn't a statute of limitation on homicide. Chances are the person they're looking for is in prison already.

yes indeed

2009-03-06T01:50:00.002-05:00

I'm not saying it's right or wrong. That's for the courts to decide. But anyone that's cutting people's heads off on a bus has to be mentally ill. That's not normal behavior, it's also not good at the dinner table. OK, maybe I'm being dramatic. It was only one person's head that was cut off. Oh, he's going to evaluated to see if he's a risk to himself or society? Um, let's see. He cut someone's head off, so I'm gonna to have to say that he could be a threat to society.

I don't know why I find this funny. I'm just trying to imagine how he managed to bodyslam him. In my mind there's walkers involved, clanking together. I'm impressed that he did it though, go on old man. Seriously though, they think that previous history is relevant in a Alzheimer's case? Although it should be noted that violence isn't a solution to a problem.

Extreme. Violence doesn't solve problems. I can see how she's plead not guilty to a count of aggravated assault, because it'd be hard to link being depressed about not being pregnant to biting someone's tongue off. Counterpoint: bitches are crazy. I guess he won't be slipping anyone the tongue ever again.

**it happens

2009-02-24T01:32:00.002-05:00

I really should've listened to my mom. TV can kill you. Of course it's not a metaphor like my mom intended... I hope. I did kind of piss her off at times, she may have been tempted to chuck a TV at me.

Is it just me or does this sound dirty? He "donated" sperm while they were dating. She confirms that he "donated" sperm but it wasn't the sperm they used. Sadly, I don't think sperm is the dirty word repeatedly used here. OK, maybe I am all dark and twisty.

Because it reminded me of a 'Sports Night' joke and not because I'm being mean. It's funny. "Canadian Coast Guard Rescues 22 From Flaming Ship." To clarify, the boat's on fire, not gay.

Eh. I'm not impressed. What would've been impressive was if the inmates built their own helicopter. I dunno from what, but MacGyver could've done it from some prison trays, a fork, and a floor buffer. See? That would be impressive and worthy of a pardon. Can't pardon anyone again for making their own helicopter, but still. If you go through all of that...

ding

2009-02-10T23:31:00.002-05:00

Well, I've been gone but stupid people are still out there. You know what the worse thing about all of this is? They'll probably put new warning labels on dryers telling us not to put our kids in them. Something along the lines of inappropriate drying methods for babies.

What the? This doesn't make sense to me. How exactly did their civil rights get violated? I understand how someone not of this country can sue someone that is (I don't agree with it in this case). This is like suing God. OK, it's not but it's a frivolous lawsuit. It's like a burglar breaking into your house, then suing you cuz you shot him. Damn right I violated your civil liberties.

That was the plan? A delivery? I'm surprised that he's been alive this long. That was the plan, he didn't even have the ingenuity of a DiGiorno pizza commercial. At least that kid wrote "Pizza" on his hat and shirt. It wasn't much of a plan, in fact, it was the worse plan every.

Happy stuff!

as if the world wasn't bad enough

2009-01-24T01:22:00.002-05:00

What the hell? I mean, what the hell? Asians and Virginia Tech is just not a good combination. First they go on shooting rampages and the next guy thinks, "how am I going to top that?" Well, just cut someone's head off. That's different. I don't know if it tops a rampage, but it definitely memorable.

I thought kids were stupid about what goes on in the Internet, but this does the cake. Well, obviously he wasn't going to be the jealous type. Him being 41 and she was 26. Sadly, I think it would funny if she accidentally switched her online status.

Bahahahahaha. Haha. Ha. Ha. It's still funny. WTF is "learning differences?" Short attention spans? OK, well basically they beat a bunch of retards. Great. I wonder why they have a basketball team. 20 students? That's not a good thing. Yeah, play on the playground or in gym class, but to go up against other schools? That's just demoralizing.

back again

2009-01-13T23:13:00.002-05:00

$3.7 million? That's a lot of money for um, yeah. Well, that's nice I hope they pay up front. Can't get a refund on that. Of course I wonder how one would go about to verify the quality of the product received. Ah yes, the answer to the age old question, "how will I pay for college?"

Not a bad idea. Ties into the story above, somehow. I dunno.

It is a good job. Not the best job in the world though. That would be to watch naked supermodels at said location. Well, about as great of a job as I can think of anyway.

Well, then maybe the law should be changed. I think the spirit of the law is there, no sex with the students. Not just because it's wrong but because it creates a dangerous working environment. So as a teacher you can't have sex with a co-worker but you can have sex with an 18-year old student? Makes sense.

I just wonder what part of the deal wasn't honored. I mean, 100 cases of beer? That's alot, but was it the beer? Meat? Or cash? If it was the beer, was it because of quantity or quality? I mean, 100 cases of beer is great but uh, if it's a 100 cases of warm beer then I'm not interested. Same goes for the meat. $16,000 doesn't seem like much, but then again someone out there is willing to pay $3.7 million for a virgin.

Fat ass. They should or maybe more people should lose weight to fit into an MRI machine. What? That's not an achievable goal? What the hell is your goal then? Not to be fat enough that the fire department has to taken down a side of the house to get you to the hospital? C'mon, that's embarrassing.

i've been putting it off

2009-01-09T15:48:00.002-05:00

Well, I've been putting this off so I'm going to spread it out for you in a nutshell (Sports Night quote).

Let's go back to last year. Dec 23. I wake up, it's a cold morning but whatever. I go out to start my car. It won't turn over. Crap. I don't know what's wrong. The starter's old, it could be that. Battery seems fine, but I know I probably won't get my car into a garage and fixed this close to Xmas. Damn Christians.

So I call my buddy, since I was going to hang out with him instead I have him come pick me up. It'd be fine except that while I'm riding with my buddy I go to grab my phone but instead it falls under the seat. Fine. I move the seat up to get better access to the phone when I try to get it from the backseat. I see that it's pinned in there good so I back the seat off and look! My phone has a nice dent, bending it almost in half.

So now I'm stuck with no phone, no car, and it's the day before Xmas eve. Damn Christians! OK, not the Christians fault for that but still. It's a damn inconvenience.

The day after Xmas I walk the 1.2 miles in the cold to get my phone fixed or get a new one. Turns out I have to get a new phone and Sprint doesn't use SIM cards so I can't transfer my contacts on there. The new phone is going to cost me $330 and change. Luckily, I did back up my contacts on my laptop about 8 months ago. So I have most of everyone's numbers.

What about the car? Oh, I didn't get that in until after New Year. The garage was backed up. I call on the 2nd, they say that can't look at it until next week. OK. I still get it towed over to the garage. Price: $56 for two miles. Ugh. Still, I needed to get around too so I go get a rental car. Apparently they're busy this time of year, I have to go to several different places to secure a rental that day. Cost of rental car for a week? $200. Yesterday (the 8th) I get a call from the garage. They said they pulled it in real quick and did a diagnostic. Prognosis? I'm an idiot. The battery's dead. Cost to replace? $100. I spent approximately $400 (with gas) for my car troubles which cost me an additional $330 for the the replacement phone that I didn't need to get. Trouble costs me $730 this holiday break. Not including the fact that I didn't get the holiday I wanted (road trip).

I still have the damn rental car. No I have no way of getting back home when I go to drop it off. With the impending snow coming and trip to Ohio this weekend I decided to get some snow tires. Whew. $303 more. I can't wait for this to be all over.

twjwd

2008-12-29T01:12:00.002-05:00

That's what Jesus would do. Right? I mean, there's ads prior to the movie that say "Don't talk." What else was the guy supposed to do? Still, I gotta wonder if the most important question is: "do we need to know what movie it was?" Does that matter? I suppose it's free publicity for the movie. "So good, people are getting shot over it."

Boo! This sucks. It was a classic. Now I suppose they're going to make the movie, Radio Flyer 2.0. Argh. What the hell? A 5-point safety harness? MP3 player? Holy crap.

A water-powered alarm clock? Um, OK. And $5 for a tire gauge? What the hell kind of tire gauge are you getting? Does it refill the air too? Crap.

Barf!

people consider it

2008-12-26T18:33:00.002-05:00

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Me, I plan for the worse. I think it was a terrorist attack, I bet any minute now Hamas will take responsibility for the 'accident.' Yup, then we'll raise the threat level and the President will tell us that there are terrorist sleeper cells within the United States and to look out for other such 'accidents' throughout the country for the next couple of weeks.

Really? "Amtrak train strikes, kills woman." Like the Amtrak train had a mind of its own. Yup, the train just jumped off the tracks and hit a woman. Luckily for investigators, the train remained at the scene. No, these stories should be titled, "Dumbass stands on train tracks, expected ending."

Well, for Christmas Eve I tracked Santa on the NORAD tracks Santa site. I also was prepared for Santa when he was spotted in the area. People thought I was crazy, but in retrospect I think I did the right thing. That guy dressed up as Santa and killed a lot of people. Am I wrong to be worried?

Even though it doesn't relate to the holiday season, this story is funny. Nothing funny about strip searches but rather by lawyer's statement "She couldn't bring anything into or out of the cell, so why do they need to strip-search her twice a day? It makes no sense at all," he said." Well, if she's on suicide watch but allowed to go in and out of her cell for whatever reason guess what? To make sure she doesn't bring anything into or out of the cell she needs to get strip searched. Sorry, that's the way it is. Otherwise they could bring something harmful and then the family would sue because she killed herself while in custody.

Well, I don't know what criminal charges you could actually file in this instance. I mean, when they catch him. It seems pre-mediated because he passed up several other items that could've been stolen.

as previously stated

2008-12-17T03:07:00.002-05:00

I'm man enough to admit that I'm wrong. There is someone apparently that would name their kid after ol' uncle Adolf. I'd like to point out that the reporter went out of their way to point out that they're of German descent. What does that matter? I think the bigger issue is that Wal*Mart has no problem with 'unique' names on cake. Sure they won't make a cake in the shape of a penis or other genitalia but Adolf Hitler Campbell is fine. What did the family expect when they named the kid? Hugs? Kisses?

Uh, I'm not sure if it'll work but go ahead and tax it. Obese? Taxing soda should cure that. Couldn't tax the fast food industry. Nope, they can't be blamed at all. What about vending machine food? Nope, those are as healthy as celery sticks. Huh, I guess you just gotta tax soda drinks that don't have 'diet' in front of them. What about 'lite' afterwards? Maybe there's another tax for Pibb Xtra. With a title like that you'd think there'd be more so that should be taxed more. How about Diet Dr. Pepper? I know it says diet in front of it but it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper and that's how it's advertised.

That is one awesome 'Dear Santa' letter. All I gotta say is that kid is going to get a buttload of presents this year. It's a selfless letter, how could Santa refuse?

Ah, I know what I'm giving people for Xmas this year. Well, crappy presents disguised as awesome presents. Ho-ho-ho.

extreme laughter

2008-12-13T00:11:00.001-05:00

And I thought I was really messed up. How is that a 'quick' way to make a buck? $13,000? That's it? For two kids? Sure they're from messed up parents but you could probably get a better price. And for the record, there really shouldn't be a law against selling babies BECAUSE THAT'S NOT COOL! That's like passing a law against putting your finger in an electric socket or grabbing a hot pot with your bare hand. You just don't do that! There really should be a law against selling babies now.

What is wrong with them? I mean, they're in jail. You'd think that would be other things they'd offended by. You know, the high walls, crappy food, and overall standard of living.

I'd hate to think we'd discriminate against anyone. Truly. I mean, everyone should be made fun of, equally. I mean what's the problem? They were making fun of blind people? Or the man? I don't think he can take a joke, obviously. If he could, he'd be laughing. And besides, it's in a medium that he can't comprehend. What's the harm? Just put the thing on mute, it'll be like it never happened for him.

Well, I think this guy lost his job. Not cuz he got kidnapped but because he's not very good at it. I suppose it's because he got kidnapped. Still, that's just funny. Almost as funny as the kidnapping in 'Fargo.'

Crazy. Just crazy. That's just not a fair question. For two weeks? That's like saying people would give up sex for their cell phone for two weeks. Well, if people had the same amount of sex for the same duration that they used the Internet, that'd be a different story. It'd be an interesting question.

go ahead, laugh it up

2008-12-10T23:58:00.002-05:00

Constipation is God's punishment for eating meat. The solution is cereal. They're gurrrr-eat!

Argh! More scientists being dumb. Or the media being stupid as well. I can't tell. Thanks for the verification people, now move on to something else. What's next? Proof of gravity? Newton would be proud. Or shamed, I dunno at this point.

Honestly, if you play anything enough you'd "break." Trust me, I know. My cousin Marcus put me through this back when he lived with me. Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men "One Sweet Day" was played almost continuously when it first came out. I don't know what that says about him, but for me I nearly went out of my mind. Complain all you want, but it is a valid method of interrogation.

Uh, yeah. I don't know what to think. Don't get me wrong, I think it's an impressive effort and I'm almost scared to ask how successful it's been in the past or if this was the first attempt. I mean, to copy a legitimate company vehicle as well as the effort it took law enforcement to track it is just astonishing. That's a ton of drugs, literally.

I think this was the point of those safe haven laws, where you can drop kids off at. Not the, drop a 17-year old off at. This is attempted murder, child negligent at best. You can't leave a baby like that, that is just not cool. Really? Abandoned babies fall under the Department of Human Resources? They don't have protective services? Geez, I'd hate to think that unemployment falls under the same category as abandoned babies.

back at it

2008-12-08T23:45:00.002-05:00

We all have voices in our head. Most of them have valid points and bring up good ideas. Listen to them. Like how can anyone think that this is a good idea? There's a reason why he's a registered sex offender. I hope that she's OK, that she's safely passed out in her apartment. Still, when you train to run a marathon you sometimes think "oh, what's the worse thing that can happen to me?" Uh, well. THIS! I'm not saying that you shouldn't run a marathon. I'm saying be smart about it. Don't get lost in the crowd. Take a friend, run together with other people. Listen to the voices, you know, unless they tell you to kill someone.

Well, we knew that this was coming but there are so many fond memories. I'll miss them, but they are a bit out of place since digital cameras hit the scene. Actually, I'm kinda surprised they lasted this long against them. I bid you adieu Polaroid cameras.

I sometimes wonder why I donate to the NSF, I mean if they're going to do "research" on things we already know and in frivolous things I don't think I want to donate next year. I learned this is elementary school, a smile is contagious. Then I learned that it's not how many friends you have but the quality of friends. Both of these facts are known, but it takes research to realize that this applies to social networks too? Geez. I don't like the idea that is postulated at the end of the article. Basically you're saying that fat people have fat friends because they're fat. Can't have fat people interacting with the skinnies, nope that would be social suicide.

Hey, I'm not knocking the idea. In fact, I think it's a good thing. Selling your hair to a company. Yeah, that's good stuff. Medical trials? Definitely, there's only so much research can do and at some point you need to test it on humans. Buying gold? Ha! That's just taking advantage of stupid people. Cash fluctuates, but gold is a better currency. Swindle the poor and stupid people. Good. The one thing I don't like is the guy that became a professional lab rat. Not the fact that he's putting experimental drugs into his system. Like I said, at some point we have to do that; I understand that. No, what I think is moronic is taking financial advice from a homeless person. Yeah I suppose it's like learning how to use a chainsaw from a guy with 8 fingers, but at the same time it makes you wonder if he's teaching your the right thing.

my couch

2008-12-07T19:47:00.003-05:00

From my couch I ponder some of life's mysteries. I stare at my dry-erase board where I have scribed up calculus equations and contemplate astrophysics. The couch is where I control my TV watching (or it controls me). It's where I play my video games from and often times do my homework on. You could say that my couch is a part of my life. It is after all, where I eat my dinner too.

I'm a believer. I believe that any kid that is moved by the movie "Star Wars" likes to think that they're a Jedi Knight like Luke Skywalker. I believe that the automatic doors at the grocery store actually open because I wave my hand in front of me rather than detect my presence with a simple radar system. What? It moves after I wave my hand, that's the only explanation that I will accept.

Guys walks into the bank and look around for the security cameras. Not to make sure that they're safe, but because deep down (for about 30 seconds) we think we could actually rob the place. We're scoping out the place; casing the joint. Of course we don't because most of us fear getting caught, convicted, and sentenced to prison. Otherwise, we'd go for it.

The reason why stories and movies about superheroes are so appealing because we all want to be superheroes. Who wouldn't want to be a billionaire that secretly moonlights as a superhero? Or that a mild-mannered reporter (or office drone) could fly around faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive. I just don't think that any of us would sit in traffic rather than get out and fly to work.

All of us are dreamers.

what is that smell?

2008-12-04T23:26:00.003-05:00

OK, while I agree that the ticket isn't the smartest idea I don't deny what the trooper did was a prudent action. People do things that make it harder for law enforcement to believe every story out there. People speed, when the cop asks them why they reply that they're going to the hospital. They don't know who they're visiting or which hospital but they're going there. People lie and that unfortunately makes things harder for the cops, is that right? No, but it is human. Cops aren't infallible, I wish they were but they're not. And as far as Ms. Brown is concerned, there is bias but not as much bull.

So easy a grandmother can do it. Well, I hope that she doesn't have to put on her reading glasses before she shoots. Then there's the issue of targeting. A bullet is no good if you can't hit anything. Well, that's not true you can scare someone with a stray bullet but since it's only a single shot it's not like you can back up the previous statement (shot) with more. All I can say is that more guns can only lead to more gun-related injuries and death. Hehe, I like that your doctor can prescribe you one. Seems like that'd be a conflict of interest, but doctors could use the business.

This just seems like a contradiction. Well f**k, what's the point of having the pageant if it's after-the-fact? I guess they're just early for next year. If the little Christian kids want to do a pageant about Jews that's fine, let them do that. If the little Muslim kids want to celebrate Eid al-Adha let them. Although I find it ironic, because Jews and Muslims acknowledge Jesus, but not as the Son of God but as another prophet, like Isaiah or Abraham. Eid al-Adha is the celebration of Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son in the name of God. God intervenes at the last second. Oh, like the Bible story! Blah. Religion.

Yup. He was a "great boss" but just a little misunderstood. That must be it.

that's what really matters

2008-11-30T23:50:00.002-05:00

Used to be, if you wanted your boy to grow up tough you'd just name him Sue. I like this Mental Floss website. Although this is the first time I saw the list about weird names. I can't believe they compared #5 Yazid to #6 Adolf. I feel sorry for that guy. That kid must've had it tough.

"We named you after your uncle, Adolf."

And it isn't a blessing that his name is Alexander either. "Is there an A. Hitler in here?"

As far as the pact to not have kids, which is a great idea, I don't think there's a better birth control method than the name. Well, besides from the Neo-Nazis. I suppose only they'd want to be Mrs. H.

Here's something that I would think of but not have the guts to do. Well, maybe I would because they really seemed funny, but well thought out plans.

Ah, crap. This isn't a good thing for me. Nope. This definitely falls into the category of "not good."

AMTRAK v. Car. AMTRAK 1, Car 0. OK, not zero because one of them survived. He's in critical condition but that's surviving when good money is on not surviving. What gets me is the comments people are leaving. Some are like mine, pointing out the obvious "speed and stupidity seem to be factors in the accident." The others tend to be the softer side of the story, focusing on the lost and families. AMTRAK v. Guy. AMTRAK 0, Guy 1.

Hehe.

Would you, could you?

It just proves the old saying, "You're not dead until you're warm and dead."

the birthday blog

2008-11-27T17:32:00.002-05:00

Blogging to allow time for food to settle in between Thanksgiving meals. Had an interesting thought, people across the nation are giving thanks today and it's my birthday. Would it be narcissistic of me to assume that these people are giving thanks for my birth? Nah, I don't think so.

Let's see what stupid things people have done today on Thanksgiving. Here's a classic one. There's always one story like this every year. You'd think that people would learn and take precautions against this but then it wouldn't be a classic. Maybe Google should do something about that, like make the first link when you google (sorry, using it as a verb) "deep fry turkey" would be a news story like this. Or maybe a YouTube video. Get this info out there to the public. Deep fry + turkey = danger.

Tell me that this isn't wrong. Admission is food donations, you go in and throw food down an ice rink to try and knock over pins. I don't think that's a waste of food huh? And it's a wonder why other countries hate us. There's hungry people here and would eat the "discarded" turkeys. Heck, they'd probably still eat it after it's been bowled but that's not the point. We're literally throwing food away. Perfectly good food. What's wrong with us?

This isn't exactly the right thing to do. It took the use of the Jaws of Life to free the people, what the hell were the teens going to do? Probably nothing. Best to just stay out of the way. They're kids, probably in shock of what happened. Don't expect everyone to be a hero. On the flip side, you don't order food while you wait. That's just not cool, unless you're ordering for everyone. To the writer, you can't suffer from fatal chest injuries. You can die from fatal chest injuries but when you write "suffered from fatal chest injuries" it almost sounds like they're still alive. Kinda like how the elderly woman "suffered from abdominal and leg injuries" she's still suffering from them but the guy probably isn't suffering. Just saying.

It's people like this that make the criminal justice system what it is. I know it's bad, you got 4 days in jail. That's a tough break, but now you're looking at a much longer time maybe 7 days for tampering. Was the risk worth the gain? OK, he probably scratched it off so there was no record of him ever being in jail, that sort of black mark on a record would be bad for anyone. Still, you take your lumps and you move on. There's plenty of ways to justify driving with a suspended license, but you really can't justify tampering with public records (not unless you're James Bond).

Hope you had a happy Thanksgiving everyone!

this one's from the heart

2008-11-18T11:05:00.002-05:00

It's a SCAM. Initials count as a name? Did you press for details of this long-lost relative? You're a moron, don't try to make excuses. As if the president would get involved with your family problem. Or the UN. Or the director of the FBI. Yeah, they might individually but together? MORON!

Um, I'm not saying that it's the right thing or the wrong thing. It's the criminal justice system, so it works for right now. I'm just wondering how the state expects the guy to pay his fines. Panhandling is good money, but I really don't see how he'd be able to pay off $101 million. At least before he dies, cuz you got to think that at 50 with a 45-month sentence. He'll probably be out in 22 months, so that's almost two years. He'll be 52 when he gets out. That's an old age to start working on paying off a multi-million dollar fine. Unless you know, they make him the CEO of an oil company or something.

Wow. That's kind of sad. It's good to know that the bill-collecting system works though. A whole frickin' penny. So I'm guessing everything else in it was just a form letter. Put a lien on a 1 cent overdue balance? $48 penalty? That's like 4800 times the value of the overdue balance. And she's blind, like she can be at fault for the oversight.

narf

2008-11-13T22:17:00.002-05:00

Not exactly the same pain. Sure sometimes a person can feel like that, but really a gunshot wound (and death) isn't exactly the same type of pain like not being friends anymore. Yeah, not a big fan of gun violence or school violence. I'm surprised she hit something, most amateurs usually miss.

That's just disturbing. Not that I know what the exact stats are on foots that wash up on a shore anyway but I can't imagine that it's very high and certainly in that concentration is disturbing. Maybe there's some sort of undertow that has to be factored in. Remind me never to walk on the beach up on British Columbia, because I really don't want to see a shoe wash up. I know I'd be curious enough to look and see if there's a foot. I wonder if authorities put up a sign, "Warning: shoes may contain feet. Please take foot to local law enforcement."

And for my something political. Thank goodness it's about the money. Whew, I thought it was about equality for a second, but it's just about the money. Yup. Keep on truckin'.

OK. I'm not saying that it's funny because in that situation it is kinda just a reflex. It's a good thing. No, what I find hilarious is the description of the suspect. Really? You think that's not going to generate a lot of calls? Hey, I'm racist but you gave no identifiable features. Colored writing? Dark pants? Dark knit cap? Yeah, well I almost match that description.

From a legal aspect, I really don't think that's the spirit of the law. Yes, it's the letter of the law but dropping off a 17-year-old? Uh, yeah. That's just terrible, because I would've bolted long before that. How bad does a kid (or parent) have to be to use the Safe Haven law like that?

poit!

2008-11-11T23:01:00.002-05:00

So I believe in math, thus I believe in the lowest common denominator. Thanksgiving plans fell through. Birthday plans fell through. Date fell through. Christmas plans fell through. What is the common denominator? Me. Well, I'm a survivor. I think I'm going to head out to the Grand Canyon. Never seen it, one of those things on the bucket list.

Also, I've re-built the Ski-chair. It is now the Ski-chair Mark II. It's stronger, faster. OK, I don't know if it really is stronger, but hopefully it is faster because I measured out the angles of the skis and tried to balance the chair's weight. Now it needs to snow so I can test this out with friends. Me sit in that chair? No thank you, I built it and I don't trust its construction. I'm kidding. The Ski-chair Mark II needs finishing touches, but I will post some pictures later.

And natural selection weeds out another one. Define irony.

And remembering Veteran's Day. For those that gave some, and honoring those that gave all since 2001.

not all that common

2008-11-10T21:42:00.002-05:00

Look, I don't want to perpetuate a stereotype but maybe this wasn't a bright idea. Not the lawsuit, but the boob job from the dentist idea. I mean, how dumb do you have to be to accept a boob job from a dentist??? I'm surprised she didn't get kidnapped from a kid, I mean that's like taking candy from a stranger or getting into a van with a creepy clown. Really, a boob job from a dentist? This sounds like the plot to a bad movie. Oh crap, it's going to be on Lifetime isn't it?

This is so true. I have several, is that bad? I don't think so, they don't get jealous. I also have one or two for school, it's pretty sweet. I highly recommend it.

It was great back then, but a reenactment today with the original cast? Not so much. Don't get me wrong, it was an iconic moment captured by the camera and will endure for the length of the human race, but please no more reenactments with the original cast. It's awesome that she's grand marshall of the Veteran's Day parade. It's a good day.

Remember to hug a vet tomorrow.

don't tell me that

2008-11-06T14:27:00.002-05:00

OK. I'm not saying that this is right or wrong, but this is just stupid. No brain, no way to regulate respiration. No respiration, no live. I don't care what religion says, that's what happens. I hope they believe in souls because that boy's soul is trapped in a body that can't do sh*t. Not even sh*t. By their definition, if they start CPR they have to continue it forever. Hey, just because there's no blood pumping through their body doesn't mean they're dead.

Interesting. Not that I thought he should get any money, plus the idea that he's singling out iPod just means he wants some money. Why not Zune? Maybe because there isn't a lot of money in that? Well, not as much as Apple. Yeah, good luck with that buddy. Damn Brits.

It's got to be a slow news day in Boston if this is "news." C'mon, there's got to be some other sort of news out there. I mean, paint dries, or linoleum peels.

Car v. House. Car 0. House 1. Police say that they do not know if alcohol was a factor, but they do know that stupidity was. I swear, that house just appeared out of nowhere.

i don't wonder why

2008-10-25T21:03:00.002-04:00

I love this. I wish I had my will set up like this. Of course you're no longer wondering why they were murdered. I mean, if you leave that kind of will you're probably not a great person (or people, in this case) and were just asking to get killed.

No means no. The addendum to that is no also means don't pee on my dog. What the hell? How does getting rejected for sex turn into peeing on the dog? I dunno, but it sounds like something a psychotic serial killer/rapist would do. I feel sorry for the dog, nothing more on the status of the dog? The psychological damage done of having someone pee on you?

Not pointing out the obvious with this article (yet), I gotta say that it isn't the usual Catholic scandal. OK, so what is everyone concerned about? The fact that he's adopting someone or that he adopted a woman or the fact that she's 26 and how the f**k do you adopt an adult? I just want to know because it does seem weird.

Well that's just not cool. I mean, you'd think there'd be standards or something. Plus, they said "that children should stop using these garments if they develop a rash..." I know this is for the parents, but it sounds like they expect the children using this garments should stop using them instead. As if the babies wearing the baby clothes have the ability or knowledge to stop using them. Eh, I guess kids are smarter than me.

Here's one of the debates we usually have in one of our criminal justice classes. Yes, I think that parents are responsible for their kids, especially when it comes to getting them to school. However, I don't think that jail time is the answer. If the state takes the parent out of the equation for however long the sentence is, then guess what? The kids aren't going to make it into school and you're just encouraging them to violently beat their kids which isn't the answer either. Don't get me wrong, I love these anti-truancy laws but just reinstate public lashings. Hang the kid up next to the parent, whip'em for all to see put that on all of the networks. It'll be a regular thing like, "news at 6, lashings at 6:30." Fix'em up and send them back to work/school.

The problem is that kids don't have anything to fear, parents don't either. Pain has worked for millions of years, it still works. Violence, no; justice, yes.

Sounds like he did that out of spite. I mean, who doesn't see a big flaming fireball right behind them? Or who drives down the road, stop, throw the nozzle away, and then drive away. Release the f**ker's name. What the hell is going on?

Weird. That's going to be difficult to explain in a few years.

scotch

2008-10-23T14:10:00.002-04:00

Tape. Who knew? How the hell did the find that out? I mean, I want to know under what circumstances did they find this out. Did some scientists leave some scotch tape inside of a vacuum and just decide to remove it? What were the looking for? I mean, I find it hard to believe that this was a planned experiment, unless they were thinking about using scotch tape to hold the space station together. Then I would just be concerned.

Well, they make it sound so much more worse than it really was. She was arrested for hacking, not murder. The headline is just for shock value. It's not like she beheaded a small kid in real life. I just don't know how this stuff happens, and why choose beheading. That's just got to be the hardest way to kill someone.

Again, like it was a cartoon. Shock value. It wasn't a real life Bugs Bunny v. Elmer.

Is it just me or is the criminal justice system a little weak? 18 months for pimping. Maybe there should be stronger anti-pimping laws. I guess the song lyrics are true, "pimpin' ain't easy."

Now it's just pissing me off. Sure the headline mentions some of the points in the story but they're all twisted around. It says "Mexican Toddler Killed While Fleeing Shootout with Mother." Here's what I see: The toddler was Mexican. While fleeing, so probably running away. Combined with the previous statement, the toddler was fleeing. Shootout (something with guns) with Mother. There's a shootout with the mother and the toddler. Obviously the mother got the upper hand and the toddler had to flee. So the toddler was shooting at his/her mother and the mother was shooting back. At some point, the toddler decided to run and was killed. Right? Am I the only one that sees that when you read the headline?

I thought about spending my bonus money on a trip like this. Then I thought, well none of my friends could go so what's the point of an experience like that? I mean if you can't share it with your friends.

it's not you, it's me

2008-10-21T11:36:00.002-04:00

You've got mail and gonorrhea! That's just not cool. I mean, what's the subject line on that email? "Got itching down there?" Some of those emails are kinda funny, but is it really the time to try to make someone laugh? I mean, they might have an STD. I guess the next logical step is to have a text message service. "You're too hot to be out of action. I got diagnosed with an STD since we played. You might want to get checked too." In Espanol too!

I wonder if they followed UXO procedures. It's just one of those things that I think about when I read about this stuff. And honestly, who uses landmines in their backyard? A Vietnam vet? Not all of them are crazy like that. Still, that must've have been fun.

This is the humor that a college graduate can generate? Yeah, obviously you can't just put blah blah blah, 137 times. That's not funny, that's just stupid. You can A) interject it every once and awhile. B) change it up with some yada, yada, yada. C) Make it funny. "Blah, blah, blah. Give money. We're helping blah, blah, blah. Then, yada, yada, yada.

Yeah! That's because everyone is racist, not just people in western Pennsylvania. I mean, even receipts are racists. About the receipt, what the hell is mall security going to do about it? I mean, they're not the FBI, it's mall security. They handle rowdy teens in the food court, not deal with civil liberties violations.

This one would be hard to explain to the insurance company. I wonder if that's covered, I mean, who has meteorite insurance? I should call my guys to see if I'm covered. Aww, nevermind, it's not space debris. Just crap falling off of planes (which doesn't sound good either).

All I can say is that it was funny. I actually laughed. And for the record, I've been using the term "equal opportunity offender" to describe me for awhile.

WHAT? THE? F***? OK, I wasn't going to buy the game, but it's music might accidentally offend Muslims? Well, I'm not saying that it's the wrong thing to do but really? I guess commonsense is really not all that common. Rated 'M' for Muslim.

it's not quite the same is it?

2008-10-15T15:25:00.003-04:00

A freak accident? What's that? A kid dying or someone blocking a punt? OK, that's not right to make fun of the situation and I'm not (I'm sure a zebra is going to kick my ass later), but CPR? For a blocked airway? Uh, no. That's like removing a toenail to get rid of the flu. I can understand how someone could administer CPR to a kid for a blocked airway though, I mean, by the time the teacher got there the kid was unconscious and the other kids wouldn't be able to help with the situation; so the teacher does the only thing they can. Details are lost in the confusion, bruising around the neck or kids mentioning that he was conscious awhile ago. And for kids out there that want to try to block punts, keep your head down to your chest.

I'm feeling sympathetic today, because I don't want to completely rip apart people for doing stupid things. Just to put in context, the British version of 911 is 999. Well, 999 may have worked on the old style rotary phones (it wouldn't taken people awhile to dial it but whatever) and on home phones but I can see where cell phones might be a problem. I have received more than my fair share of "pocket dialing" where someone puts their phone in their pocket and calls me. I was the last person they called and dynamics in pockets can sometimes call the last dialed. What sucks though is that 999 has a computer program that automatically screens these types of calls, which in theory sounds good right? Cuts down on the wasted time of operators, frees up emergency lines. Seriously though, how much of a pandemic is it that 999 gets pocket dialed now? Is it worth it? I know it sounds like something from TV, where the victim secretly calls 911 (or 999) and keeps the phone on while the police trace the call and swoop in at the last minute to save the day but it does happen in real life. It sucks that a computer program screens for something else kicks out this call, because it could have saved her life. Now if a person had hung up on her that would've been different and I would've kicked someone ass but maybe they'll do something about the crappy system that frees up so much time.

Ah. Old school pedophile. I'm surprised anyone tries it anymore with the Internet in play. Well, I guess with parents and commercials warning about "online predators" that sometimes they forget to warn kids about the creepy dude in the clown costume and the really creepy van. Then again, I don't think kids are that stupid but I've been proven wrong before.

faster

2008-10-13T22:28:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm done with my weekend work. The nightstand is doing well, I mounted a power strip and secured the wiring. Also, I managed to put my DVD collection onto my Macbook. Sadly, I'm at 599 titles (minus the duplicates) which goes to show you how sad my life is.

As high I might have been this weekend, at least I wasn't this stupid. So if you have money for bail, wouldn't you have money for McDonald's? I mean, I seriously doubt you can post bail in weed. There is a box marked "Other" but I don't think that's what they had in mind.

OK, I want to understand this correctly because I'm not understanding what the controversy is. Is it that they took first graders to a lesbian wedding? Cuz I don't remember much but I don't think I went on a field trip in the first grade, and if I did I probably needed parental consent. So what's the problem? Maybe it wasn't written out on the consent form, I can see the controversy in that.

Hey, this is offensive. It's not like Gitmo, there isn't a black room. I have to wonder though, how does the father know what Gitmo is like. I mean, the only people that know are US military personnel and the bad guys. If he wasn't US military that means he was a bad guy. *gasp* He's a terrorist! Or not.

Bahahahaha. I love South Park in the news. You know, I watched the premiere and thought, "Oh my God. Jews are raping Indiana Jones." OK, so I thought the crystal skull idea was a bit different from the previous movies but still. Plus, I thought the whole "China Probrem" was much funnier. Especially since Butters was shooting everyone in the groin which is a male faux pas.

weekend kumite

2008-10-12T20:59:00.002-04:00

Well, this weekend I attempted to clean my bathroom. It was more like a full-contact fight because I haven't "cleaned" my bathroom except for the random trash taking out. In anticipation I spent some money on the necessary items. Scrubbing Bubbles, scour pads, and power tools. OK, I didn't buy the power tools since I already owned them but I did bring it into the fight. I was tempted to bring in the circular saw to end it all but I think that was a bit too extreme. Still, the point of the power tools was to help me disassemble some things in order to clean them better. I know what you're going to say, that's it's a bit extreme but that's my OCD.

I tried my best, but I was set back by the poor air circulation of my apartment. I had to take a number of breaks and I needed to get other things done. So I ended the match in a draw. I managed to clean the big items (toilet, shower, sink, floors, walls) but I didn't hit all of the details.

In addition to cleaning my bathroom, I put the varnish on the nightstand that W helped me build. Of course by "help," I mean he only measured out the pieces, cut them out, screwed them together and I helped him. I wired up a power strip to the nightstand for all of my daily electronics (phone, camera, & iPod). I also began the difficult task of inputting my entire DVD collection into my Macbook. This other task would be helpful except for the fact that I own over 590 titles. I am discovering that I have several duplicates, which I'm not proud of; plus there are a few DVDs that I didn't even know that I owned.

enough isn't enough anymore

2008-10-09T23:02:00.003-04:00

While I was away last weekend something completely strange happened. And it pissed me off. I waited a week because I thought, "hey this will work out." Nope. Now it's time for me to step in. WTF? What is going on? WISH-TV (CBS) isn't on my TV anymore. I miss my CBS programming. No NCIS, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Numb3rs, Flashpoint, and The Unit.

I don't trust anyone. My cable company says that it's not fair to charge subscribers for service they're not receiving from the station. The station says... well they don't say anything because the cable company isn't carrying them anymore. However, I did pull this from the Internet. How the hell does this happen? I always thought CBS was a national network. It hurts my brain to figure this out because no one is really talking about it. Everyone seems to have an agenda but I don't know what it is. It's about money, but for who? Not for the subscribers that's for sure. Both sides seem to think that the subscribers shouldn't pay more, but they want the money and where's the money come from? The subscribers. Argh! At some point I'm just going to pull them into an alley and beat the crap out of them until I get a straight answer.

Just to clarify, I'm not on any particular side. I hate my cable company. I've seen what Time Warner is capable of and it seems like Indiana got the 1990's version. I'm starting to hate CBS because it's a damn national network but the problem seems to be just the local station.

So am I paying for this? Apparently. In more than one way too. At least it's not a damn writers' strike.

Fix this! Fix this now. The only thing keeping me sane is my TV. Do the math on what happens.

embrace the madness

2008-10-08T22:26:00.002-04:00

So I don't get what one has to do with the other. OK, he won the lottery. What the hell does it have to do with his girlfriend being stuck on the toilet? Unless the "first lottery" was getting probation. And how the hell do you keep an adult in the bathroom for two years? How do you let someone keep you in the bathroom for two years?

Thank goodness for small miracles. She must've been a blonde to think that this lawsuit had a chance. I mean, what the hell? anti-depressants? Really? Can the government sue her for wasting their time? You know, charge them alot of money for such crap. Toss them in jail? I bet that would cut down on the stupid lawsuits. You know, something they'd remember, chop off an arm. Whatever.

OK. What? You expect people to believe that? Some shotgun shells fell onto a pile of newspapers, the paper was used in light the stove, the stove just happened to shoot off the shell in your direction. It is a lot of coincidences; but I guess the laws of quantum physics allow for this possibility. However, the police will have to decide.

I'm confused. At least it's not this.

Squeeze Left

secrets of the very large

2008-10-08T00:33:00.003-04:00

Wait, so if I get the tone of this article. It's other people's fault? His family is blaming the hospital? The general public? When the hell did it become other people's problem? I'm fat. I don't blame the old lady downstairs. I don't blame the hospital. "...he had trouble breathing and eating." Really? You'd think that being 990lbs that his trouble wasn't eating but rather not eating. No. Unacceptable. Fat people, don't blame others. You want to lose weight? Put down the fork!

Well, I suppose that's one way to get a vote. Dude, that's almost as bad as having dead people vote. I really wonder how many registered homeless voters there are. I mean, don't you need to have polling location? Voting on districts and what not. That means you have to have a residence, a home. You know, something that the "homeless" don't have.

This would've helped so mistakes I've made in the past. Of course I probably wouldn't have gotten a lot of work done either so it's a draw. Although to be honest, I don't think I could solve all of those problems in 43 seconds. Maybe, maybe not. It's not like I time myself on those types of things.

This is probably going to be the most popular sport ever. Jeez, and you wonder why the rest of the world wants to blow us up. Three words. Lingerie Football League. Brilliant! Damn, if only I was smart enough to come up with an idea like that.

yeah, it's that good

2008-10-05T21:48:00.002-04:00

CRASH! BOOM! BAM! Not the best ritual I think. I guess bashing in skulls really does open minds. You know, I've got this itch on my foot. I wonder if bashing in my head would cure me of that. Huh. I'm thinking this method might catch on in western medicine.

So I'm confused. Is it true? If so, what scientific methods did they use to test these theories. I mean, really? It is a great award, hell, I'd like to get one.

I guess there really is a pedicure police. I did not know that. Interesting.

not me

2008-10-01T22:25:00.002-04:00

I don't even think I could do that. What the hell are you thinking? Really? You think that is the best line? "How far can you bounce?" You'd think that someone would get charged with something. That can't be right can it?

Is it worth it? I mean going to jail for that? How's that going to look? Acting tough in jail, "Yeah, I beat up a girl in a McDonald's line." He's a badass, he plays by his own rules. If he was really badass he would've ordered and eaten his meal then leave. Running out just means he's a little bitch, a little bitch line cutter.

Unreasonable force? Is there any such thing? OK, I'll admit that at first glance running a suspect over seems a bit excessive but why get out of the car to chase someone? Right? Then you've got to sweat, tackle them, detain them. Pfft, just run them over and you can take your time, fill out your report and then detain them. It's like stabbing someone when you've got a perfectly good gun. It's not unreasonable. I bet you they won't run from the cops again.

It will probably be in a movie. That was an awesome getaway plan. I'm not happy that crime occurred but you gotta admit that it was creative. Very creative.

you got it

2008-09-29T00:01:00.002-04:00

I'd say I'm disappointed but it's Canadian so it doesn't count. The only good thing out of Canada is the bacon. Damnit, why are all my imaginary celebrity girlfriends getting married? I mean, what's Ryan Reynolds got that I don't? Wait, I don't want to know the answer to that.

Hmm, I'd say he got what he deserved but he got off easy. Yay for no stupid laws that say you can't kill people in your home that want to molest kids. On a serious note, criminal confinement? Really? That's kidnapping, the reduced version of it but it's kidnapping.

Well, who steals someone's legs? Honestly? I don't think the guy left them someplace, but I dunno. Amputation due to diabetes?

You know you can always count on PETA to do something outrageous. I really don't think they're serious about it, rather saying it for the shock value. Yummy, PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals.

minimally exceptional

2008-09-27T15:29:00.004-04:00

Uh, not the best screen-to-stage idea they've come up with recently. Well, I guess they could a screen-to-stage of "Naughty Nurses 4." Yeah, that would be a bad idea. It would probably make a lot of money, but get a lot of hate mail too.

Good to know. Farting = assault. OK, I know the letter of the law on what is consider "assault" but really? You want to set that kind of precedence?

Yes, I can see where an attack would be justified, however, I don't think the student was mentally ill but rather the mother. What the hell? Seriously? You think it's necessary to attack to old people for suggesting that the kid might not be right in the head? Yeah, that'll go over well. I mean, it's not like there are some mental illnesses that are genetics and this is not proof of that point.

That is odd. Not the 1.4 million gallons of water. Not the obscure reference to Ben Lomond High School swimming pool (because we ALL know how big their pool is). It's odd because the dude paid for it. It's impressive, but I can't comprehend it.

I'm not math genius, but I think the reward is less than the prime number they found. Wouldn't it be awesome if the reward was the same as the number found? Bahaha, that'd motivate me to find one. I figure it'll be something like 70 million digits or so.

Aw, that's so sweet. Stupid, but sweet. Nothing says "I love you" like buying your girlfriend breast implants. I wonder if it's job related, you know, something tax-deductible.

Here's an example of minimally exceptional.

Yowza!

it's all relativity

2008-09-24T13:36:00.002-04:00

It's not supposed to do that is it? I mean, it's a chair with wheels. Not exactly combustible items. That would suck if there was someone in it at the time. Handicap man spontaneously combusts with wheelchair.

I'm going to assume some things. First, 12 years of school (elementary to high school) + 4 years of college + 4 years of medical school + 3-7 years residency. That's a lot of f**king schooling. So you'd think that someone with that much learning would come up with a solution better than ping-pong balls. I'd expect to see that on TV like MacGyver or something. OK, it's pretty f**king smart but I don't expect my doctors to have that kind of smarts.

You know, I really don't know what to say.

Here's my plan for Thursday. Don't bother me and I won't have to hurt you.

stuff doesn't always happen

2008-09-24T02:27:00.002-04:00

It's a bit strange to say that "puberty" is consent and then turn around a call government agents a bunch of pervs for questioning girls. Accusing them of disrobing them and calling them devils. Hmm, methinks thou protests too much.

Boo! I like their old uniforms but whatever. People complain about those uniforms? Oh what grounds? It distracts from the game? Pfft. Let them eat cake! OK, seriously, I need to stop blogging after 2am, I'm not thinking straight and quoting randomly.

Call me old fashion, but isn't this false advertising? I mean, if I told people that I would "work for 8 hours" well then everyone would be correct to assume that I'd be working for 8 hours straight. Especially when the whole point is to work for 8 hours. So when Blaine says he'll hang upside down for 60 hours, well it's nothing specially if you break it up over a longer period of time. It's impressive and worthy of attention when it happens consecutively. I mean, I'll hang upside down for 60 hours. Oh, it's over the entire period of my life. Like that's impressive. I say hang him. Hang him upside down for 60 hours straight.

That doesn't sound good, from a medical standpoint. Although I can't really see this working really well.

Wait. What? As if a courtroom is the appropriate location for that. But you know, it's too absurd to be made up.

reach for it

2008-09-20T11:52:00.002-04:00

Finally some justice. Not that it's a good thing for a 2-year old to shoot himself in the eye. Yeah, guns make bad boo boos. What the hell is the gun doing just on the nightstand? Seriously? There really needs to be anti-stupid parent laws to prevent things like this. When two people from the shallow-end of the gene pool have a baby, you don't end up with geniuses. Argh. And you know who ends up paying for it? The kid.

At least it wasn't sex. That would just be awkward. As a fat guy, I'd have to say I would be tempted by the offer, but would decline because there's no way to enforce the agreement. Yup, I'd be out of a sandwich. Sure I reach the same moral answer, but my method is different.

This is why I miss Texas. Anywhere else and the burglar would probably be pressing charges against the guy that shot him. Or the police would press charges. Uh, yeah, that is a good deterrent against crime when people shoot back.

That's restorative justice if you ask me. It doesn't solve all of the problems, but it's a start. He's Joe Dirt!

back to the old

2008-09-16T14:40:00.003-04:00

I did not know that either. So now we've got to worry about the Bloods, Crips, and the Catholics. Damn, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse. I bet the top guy is "the Pope." The guys walking around with the black shirts and white collars, yup those are the handlers, let's call them "priests" but you can refer to them as "padres" or "fathers." I think it's funny, those gang members are smart, but if you really want to get away with gang symbols, pick something from the Islam. No one is going to touch that one or tell you to take it off. Representing Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet, yo.

Who'd win? A firefighter or police officer. It's not funny, I hope the guy pulls through but it is a little weird. Guns and Hoses? C'mon, that really just sounds like a gay bar. Or a gay strip club. I'm trying hard not to imagine it.

Here. That'll get your mind off gay strip clubs. OK. Well, you'd think that stabbing someone 666 times would pretty much dismember a person but what the hell huh?

Obviously it was the shooter's first time. You're on the lookout for an amateur gunman, professional dumbass. Really? You shot someone in the head and they lived? Yeah, that's attempted murder at the minimum. There's no defense lawyer that can make that situation any better.

something new

2008-09-16T14:22:00.003-04:00

So I've realized that I've become very set in my ways. I've learned to live on a budget which isn't fun. OK, so it isn't really "learned" just a necessity since I'm on a fixed-income (geez, I sound old) but I'm doing OK. I could get a job, but then I wouldn't have time to do the stupid things I like to do.

What's the point of this rambling you ask? Well, last month I finally resolved the problem with the VA and my school. My school said that they sent in the paperwork, the VA said they don't have my record on file. That was all cleared up last month, good. I've been missing my GI Bill money since June, been living on a tight budget of my savings. Then a few weeks ago, something crazy happened.

Have you ever put on a jacket that you haven't worn in years? Reached into the pocket and pull out a $20 bill? You automatically think, "Oh! Free money!" Even though it was yours all along, but somehow you've managed to live without it all this time so it basically is free money? I'm not going to get into the exact figures, but let's just say that for the last year the VA has been paying me the wrong amount every month. It was only last month that they caught the error and made the correction. OK, fine, it was like a $500 a month difference.

So, I go to check my bank account online, thinking that I'd have just a few bucks when, BLAM! Like a shotgun, I get hit with this large figure of money in my account. Some people might thank their lucky stars, cash it, close the account; but I'm different I guess and I thought "Ah, crap. Someone made a mistake." This happened on a Saturday morning, so I had to look at it all day and then Sunday too. Calling up the VA first thing Monday morning was my priority. Now I know I sound stupid, but I was sorta mad at them and demanded to know why I had so much money in my account. Well, after about 30 minutes I got an explanation that satisfied my curiosity. It was a $20 bill in my jacket pocket.

The moral of the story is, what am I going to do with this free money? Yes, I'm saving some, but there are a few things that I do need to get. I've lived without them for so long that it has been my justification for not getting them. So far I've gotten some new power tools (for my crazy building ideas) and a new laptop & printer. Went to the Apple Store, got this Macbook. Using it now, in case you were wondering.

I figured that you might ask yourself why I'm typing on a Mac all of a sudden and how I got the money to buy it. Yup, $20 bill in my jacket. Lots of bills in my jacket. Lots of jackets with lots of bills in the pockets.

And if there are any cool/stupid ideas you have that I can do with some of this money, let me know. So far I'm planning an Appalachian Trail hike with some friends. I'm getting a lot of camping supplies.

it goes around

2008-09-14T23:32:00.002-04:00

Just when you think that's it's cool to text. It reminded me of my class last Monday, where a group of people were justifying the legalization of marijuana. Instead of pointing out the moral and ethnical upside of legalization, they used points like "it's good" and "no one's ever died of it." Which would be fine, because I do agree with the fact that no one has died of marijuana. It's almost impossible to OD on it, but to say that it isn't a contributing factor in deaths is ridiculous. That's like saying no one dies in skydiving. Yes, it's true, no one really dies from skydiving; they usually die from the sudden stop at the end. The point is, a bunch of morons trying to defend the legalization is just stupid and it probably won't get much credit on the strength of their argument.

More false hope. When the headline says, "Van full of cheerleaders rolls over, 2 dead." You think that there are two dead cheerleaders. Nope. Instead, it's the two people in the car behind them that tried to avoid the accident that get killed. The moral of the story is: Don't slow down for cheerleaders.

Wow! I thought I was politically incorrect. Uh, yeah, I've got nothing.

Uh. I don't know what to say. Except maybe, where in the Constitution does it say a man can have sex with his comatose wife? I must've missed that day in class. No really, please point out where it says that.

still here

2008-09-11T00:32:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been in the works for awhile and I was really excited by it. My buddy's gf mentioned the fact that the first test was today. I wonder what the data says, but it'll take months or years for them to publish all of that. What's totally awesome about this is the lead in the protest is a botanist. So we're still here. Yes, we don't know what would happen but it's science and is it any worse than the threat of nuclear war? Sure, we could all die and about 4 billion years there's an event that none of us will survive, so why worry about it? I'd have to say that the black hole idea wouldn't be bad, I mean there's a time dilation so you'd live forever (you'd live your life but the rest of the universe would continue on at its regular pace).

Super-size this. You'd think that after 36 years some of those receipts would be gone but OK, good for OCD. That's impressive, 23,000?

Hmm, I'm not saying that it isn't the parents' fault, but when it's happening in other places too? When it's few and far between like someone falling down the well, that's the parents fault but when it's happening everywhere else? Yeah, I think it's the shoes. What the hell are kids doing with soft sole shoes?

The poverty line is $1 a day? I'd hate to see a recession. Whew.

The 21st century version of the game Marco. Polo.

raindrops on roses

2008-08-31T22:39:00.003-04:00

Lately I've questioned the cable programming of ABC Family. Well, not really but I've seen Top Gun on the channel. Then recently I saw a movie about a nun-in-training that falls in love with a retired naval captain with 7 kids that end up having to flee their home from the Nazi. OK, it's the Sound of Music. Not to say that the musical portion of the movie isn't kid-worthy but you know 70-80 years ago the Nazis were a real threat and now they've been reduced to the ABC Family channel? Hmm, can't say that it's impressive.
I guess I remember the kid version of the movie, where the Nazi fleeing wasn't part of it. I remember all of the singing, but they didn't have to flee the Nazis. In fact, I don't remember the Nazis. The first time I saw the Sound of Music as an adult was back in 2001. I was quite surprised to find out that there were Nazis in the movie. When the heck did this happen? It's not like I knew who or what the Nazis were when I was a kid, so maybe it's just that I didn't care about it. Would I really miss out? It's possible that I fell asleep, that'd explain not knowing about the Nazis.
What I'm trying to say is that knowing now who and what the Nazis are, I really don't find it appropriate to have the Nazis on the ABC Family channel. Although as kids, I guess what you don't know can't hurt you. Or in this case, freak you out a little.
Plus, growing up and knowing about the world, I seriously doubt that this would be a plausible story to replicate. I mean, what family musical group would win a festival with a song about a doe being a female deer, or tea with jam and bread? Well, I could see it as a reality show, but then Liesl would drop the rest of her family and get her own solo career. She'd have one real hit, then go to rehab for a coke habit, and end up on Vh1's Celebrity Fit Club.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

it's all in the moment

2008-08-25T19:51:00.002-04:00

I know it seems like an epidemic, but the media has a way of making things much bigger than the way it is. OK, just to clarify, the family reported the kids "missing" before they checked the car? Hmm, I wonder if there's anything to this. And you'd think that if you locked your kids and keys in the car that you'd just break the window. I mean, the cost of a new window versus dead kids... I dunno. What's the worse that could happen. I'm sorry, it's not funny but the way they presented it. The link from the main page was "Man Saving Kids From Locked Car Stabs Self To Death." As if stabbing himself was the way to save the kids, sorta like a Saw-type dilemma.

Well, as things goes, do you really have to confine her? And who says fat people can't kill you. This is what can happen if you don't feed fat people fast enough. Also, you can't say she's not motivated. 27 years old and 1,000lbs that takes some work.

Not to say that this death doesn't warrant coverage, but a dead one-legged prostitute? Isn't that the plotline from a movie? Or the punchline of a joke?

you know

2008-08-20T23:51:00.002-04:00

You know what would attract more viewers? Naked table tennis. Yup, that'd get the fans in the stands. I don't know why they'd have sexier table tennis uniforms. Maybe they need a Janet Jackson/Super Bowl moment.

Speaking bringing sexy back, what's up with the Amish population doubling? Well, the only way I see it is that the Amish chicks are putting out like nobody's business. OK, maybe they're using modern medicine to extend their healthy lives, but I'm hoping for the former. Maybe if they win their "protest" to not have hazard lights on their buggies will thin out the population. It's always a good time when an Amish buggy takes on a train.

You know, I almost agree. For me, she could be naked 18-28. That's a decade of her, maybe that's enough but maybe not.

BabyTV? Channels geared to the under 3 years old? That's a narrow demographic and I had to see the commercials but hey, you gotta hook them young I guess. How do they know what 3yr olds want to watch? Which shows are doing well, maybe rotate their time slots, or add cast members to their favorite shows.

I can believe that it's butter. Hehe. I like that last line. I wish I had something classy like that to say.

say it ain't so

2008-08-18T22:40:00.003-04:00

It's a sad day indeed. Budweiser isn't American anymore. What the hell? What happened to the great American spirit? You'd think that crap like "Milwaukee's Best" would be the first to go. I don't think I like where we're heading now.

You'd think with the technological advances we've made in the last hundred years we'd be able to come up with something more than a skateboard. Not exactly a bionic turtle.

No doubt. There's a good argument to be made here. She may be 20 years old, but if you want hot; nothing is hotter than a gold in the women's all-around. Nastia Liukin is 18 and that's just hot too.

Going in the opposite direction now. Is "beauty-disadvantaged" the PC term for ugly? And what the hell are the ladies pissed off about? It's not like he said that the town was full of "beauty-disadvantaged" women already. And yeah, it can be slim pickin' for women too.

olympic update

2008-08-17T23:14:00.000-04:00

In case you ever wondered.

exploding steak

2008-08-17T22:34:00.002-04:00

Again, I'd like for there to be a stupidity law; a law against stupid people. I'm not saying that they're guilty of child abuse or it's an intentional act of malice, but there's a kid in the backseat. You'd think that'd be enough to remember there's a kid in the backseat. You don't need to put your lunch back there, or a briefcase. There's a damn kid, that's enough. If that isn't bad enough don't forget the poochie. Yeah, and this isn't the way to transport babies either.

Not to say it isn't true, but that's the weirdest excuse. I need one to save my family too... uh yeah.

You think? Hmm, let's do the math. Alcohol + Speed + Texting. Yup. It all adds up to death. You know, I don't feel bad when this stuff happens. I think it sucks that emergency services have to go out there and scrap up the mess when there could be other things they could be doing like say polishing chrome. No, I'm not going to say that the family should pay the city for crap like this, but maybe they should be sterilized so they can't have more children. I do wonder what the text message was, you know, what was important enough to die over. I hope it wasn't anything like this because I don't even know if it's worth $250.

My political addition. Ah, the great democracy engine at work. Is it really a democracy when only one person votes? I dunno. I guess, because at least everyone has the option to vote but choose not to do so.

going for the gold

2008-08-16T22:45:00.004-04:00

OK. I'm up in the Olympic fever, but I was wondering when did the trampoline become an Olympic event? Oh, 2000. That explains alot. Still, the trampoline??? Don't get me wrong, I saw what they were doing and it is indeed difficult, but I don't think it is an Olympic event. It's the trampoline for kidney's sakes! That's like making 4-square an Olympic event. Don't get me wrong, it would be awesome but not really worthy of a game slot you know? Other possible Olympic events on the books: hop-scotch, tag, and freeze-tag. Can you imagine? "The US is fielding a good freeze-tag team this year, but have had a little trouble with their strategy in the warm-ups, let's see how they fair against the Australians..."

And because Michael Phelps is going up for his 8th gold in a few minutes, I'd just like to point out that there's a huge difference in the level of technology between Mark Spitz's era and today. I mean, look at the archive footage of Spitz, swimming with that shag-rag of a hairdo and a mustache. C'mon, when was the last time you saw a swimmer with a mustache? That's just hardcore. It's just like when modern day baseball players break records of old. Where today's fields are shorter and the season is longer. It's easier when you've got all those factors working for you.

OK, back to watching the Olympics. The women's swimming team just got spanked.

pro cow

2008-08-14T00:03:00.004-04:00

That can't be a good sign can it? I mean the property value can only go up right? Besides, she wouldn't lose that much. If she loses 50% she'd be selling at 50 cents. Not including that damn property tax. Tax on that place must suck, 3900%? Whew.

Really? That's too short? I guess that's what the world is coming to. It's not like she was 300lbs in that dress. I bet that would turn heads too. She looks good, there's a crime for looking good? Huh.

THAT IS AWESOME! I wish I had that idea. I think that's totally awesome. I'm going to do that, but I'll purchase my own gnome.

Hmm. Here's another case for Ockam's Razor. Is it possible that a suspect stuffed a bag of cocaine in a police cruiser or perhaps a police officer did it. Usually suspects are handcuffed in police cars, and most of them are cuffed behind their backs. It would be difficult but not impossible for them to pry open a section, stuff a bag of cocaine, and re-conceal it. Or, a dirty cop kept his stash of coke in that section and forgot to take it out when the car was rotated out of the fleet. Hmm. Which seems more likely?

I thought it was one of those things where you leave your drink on top of your car because you were trying to find your keys. I don't think it would have been acceptable if it was but at least it wasn't intentional. This was intentional, and holding the kid by the leg? Is that the same concept as holding the mattress to the roof?

It's the punchline to a joke.

I just wish there was a law against stupid people, not hot people.

when you believe it

2008-08-13T09:58:00.002-04:00

He probably drove himself to the hospital because the ambulance ride is kinda on the expensive side. Or that they would take too long and it would just be quicker to drive there. Although that isn't the safest way to transport but we'll give him some leeway because he probably wasn't thinking clearly. You know, having just been shot in the head. Not always the best time to make decisions.

Wow. You know I joke about getting locked inside of cars but really? I don't want to say the kid is retarded, but man, he is dumb. How the hell do you get locked inside of a car? And what kind of car can you lock someone inside of? Sure they've got those child-safety locks where you can't open them from the inside but toddlers could get out if they crawled up to the front and exited through there. And what reinforced glass? The windshield? C'mon go through one of the door windows. Not exactly rocket science here.

And to show that there is always good out in the world. This is an interesting discovery. I wouldn't call it poop, because then it would calling beer yeast poop, which has a lot less appeal than you think.

grab it

2008-08-11T23:49:00.002-04:00

Oh. What are you trying to grab? Nothing? You're just reaching. OK. Sorry, I don't buy into the superstition. It's just fun to poke fun at. It sucks that Isaac Hayes and Bernie Mac are dead, but that's life. It's not like someone is out there killing celebrities by the threes. That'd be a good movie.

That's clever. The porn police. I just want to know if anyone actually fell for the "porn police" trick. I don't think they'd admit it. You know, that'd make for a great t-shirt.

Well, the problem seems to be that their 1 Mind is defective. Sometimes I think it's better to go without the rest of the world, but this seems a little extreme. Not the whole "birth without doctors" but the notion that if a 19-month old doesn't say "Amen" that you should stop feeding him and put him in the suitcase.

That doesn't make sense. Not that whole spending $147K on the license plate "1" but the fact that the high bidder wants to remain anonymous. I mean, people are going to see them driving around and know who they are right? That's the point of the custon license plates. It'd be easy to fill out those damn forms that ask for your license plate number.

Apparently they never heard of that you can't beat a dead horse. The producers of "The Mummy"are really trying to beat that horse. "The Scorpion King 2" and "The Mummy 3" not exactly good works. Either come up with a new idea or just get out of the business, you're just making things worse by grasping at those straws.

This is not good news. Definitely. Bad news. Cloaking technology? Yeah, I just can't put in to words how bad this idea is.

it don't GITMO better than this

2008-08-07T01:26:00.003-04:00

That seems to an overreaction to me. I mean, yeah sure she probably shouldn't have been sticking her nose in other people's business but they were breaking the law. OK, it was a bit extreme, at least no one lost their head.

I can't imagine anything more un-special. Kissing Scarlett Johansson? Kissing Penelope Cruz? Whew. That's a good day.

To be more exact, it will not only melt the shoes off your feet, but your feet off your legs as well. That's hot.

Oh the other hand, this would make me crap myself. While this is not unexpected.

To all you human rights activists, laugh at this. It can't be a "torture" technique now can it? I mean, you wouldn't call a ride on the ferris wheel a torture right? Well, depends on who you go with I guess. Thanks Spongebob for the title.

to appease zebra

2008-08-05T22:35:00.002-04:00

1. How much exercise do you get in an average week?
Answer: Couch to bathroom, apartment to car. About 1400 steps a week.

2. Do you make an effort to fit exercise into your daily schedule?
Answer: Absolutely! It just never works out because I'm too lazy.

3. Is there any part of your body that you feel could use a little extra work?
Answer: Yes. Today, I sat down and popped the top button on my shorts.

4. What time of day do you prefer to work out?
Answer: Yesterday. Or tomorrow, whatever works.

5. What kind of music or what song gets you pumped to work out?
Answer: Military cadences.

it's not that

2008-08-05T00:38:00.002-04:00

So being too fat can save your life? No? Maybe it's the medicine, because God forbid a convicted killer be in pain or discomfort. Whew, that'd be downright unneighborly. Screw it, I say we let them in a huge stadium, toss in a knife, and then seal it. That'd be a good reality show. Possible titles: "So You Think You're Innocent?", "Inmates Gone Wild", "American Inmate", or "Death or No Death."

No! A nerd is slighted by sorority girls? *gasp* And KKG? Most of the Kappas I've known have been awesome. Awesomely hot too. Dare I say incredibly? But seriously I'm a geek and I've never felt slighted by them. "Offender behavior?" More like psycho behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if he chopped up people.

just forget about

2008-08-04T10:51:00.002-04:00

Some times you can't use the threat, "I'm calling the cops..." to motivate people. Although I'll admit that it is a crime to leave off the sauce in a Subway sandwich. Still, it may have been a bit much to call 9-1-1 about the sauce. Then to call again to complain about the response time. I'm sorry, but sandwich sauce doesn't quite rank up there with other crimes that require a quick response by law enforcement.

I think I saw the movie, back in like 1990 or something. Not exactly news if it is 18 years late. I can see where they might be forget stuff or a kid. That's a lot of stuff to look and it only gets worse when you're late.

Go Greyhound! And yeah, I've made this mistake and had this mistake made about me. Still, I don't know how this is a crime. Not that I'm making light of this situation. It's just that I have to point out the obvious.

Skydiving isn't really an accident, not a lot of people accidentally skydive. Skydiving doesn't kill people, most deaths occur from the sudden stop at the end, due to in part to parachute malfunctions.

excuses, excuses

2008-07-30T22:57:00.002-04:00

Well, there's one reason not to shower. Although, you gotta admit that shower would definitely wake you up in the morning. Bizzit. Me, I would've worked around it. Grounded myself or maybe put up a sign that said it was an electrocution shower. Problem temporarily resolved.

Ha. More excuses. I'm lazy because of genetics. Yup, that's the answer to everything. Genetics. Serial killer? Genetics. Lazy? Genetics. Fat? Genetics.

That has got to be weirdest "prostitution" ring ever. I don't understand how that works, but whatever, pregnant chicks gotta make money too.

I would have been perfect for this job. And it's $10/hr.

not at all

2008-07-29T23:21:00.002-04:00

Even though she's not very smart, she seems really talented. Yup, big talents. Two of them. Boy does she have a mouth on her, the foul language that spewed from them. Yesh. And yes, I'm still thinking about her talents.

"Oops, we're sorry." Doesn't seem to cover it, but it's a start. Plus, it's public record which I guess is the point. Now I don't agree that the federal government should apologize for laws enacted by the South, but they should probably apologize for giving states that kind of power. Wait, that sounds bad. No, I think the states should apologize for that. It's pretty much their fault, but I think a few more hurricanes should make things even.

So I thought of one plausible possibility to support this woman's story. Yeah, it's one defense: the kidnappers gave her the "don't call the police" threat. It's wafer-thin, but maybe... unless she claims that she's retarded which I'd believe that.

Here's another story of not charging a person to the full extent of their crimes. Killing someone is somehow reduced to fleeing the scene? How can you not charge her with murder. She got out and checked on him THEN fled the scene. What? She was driving to the hospital to get help? I could see a jury letting her go free on that argument.

finders keepers

2008-07-29T01:14:00.002-04:00

So, if you read this article carefully, they say to do a one time lump sum type of thing? Huh. I guess that goes against careful planning. I would've done the same thing, exchanged the money in small quantities, but I guess that raises suspicion, so best to get it all exchanged at once. Good to know if I uncover millions of dollars.

Sports news. I've got a question, since when did the NFL become a branch of the criminal justice system? Shouldn't a court decide punishment? After an investigation and all that jazz? Oh well, if he's punished by the NFL then it's all good.

Is this a sort of Al Capone - RICO Act type of deal. Because when you identify a person as a "death squad leader" you'd think you'd be able to get him on something more than fraud. It'd be like saying, "Serial Rapist in jail for speeding." Uh, is that all you've got on the guy? Not that I'm not glad that he's in prison, but as a member of a death squad I'm sure he's done more than fraud.

That answers one of my many questions. Who'd win? Motorcyle or Amish buggy. Hehe. Amish buggy one, motorcyle zero.

the end is not here

2008-07-27T23:27:00.003-04:00

Aww. I was so disappointed. The link from the main page was "Son charged with hoe killings, cesspool burial." I thought, "Hoes! Yeah, sometimes you gotta kill some hoes to get the rest to fall in line. Gotta keep that pimp hand strong." Unfortunately, it's just a kid that killed his parents with a garden hoe and disposed their bodies in a septic tank. Damn, I just couldn't care less about it now.

Legally intoxicated? How about legally stupid. How drunk do you have to be to not understand that opening a door mid-flight can be hazardous to your health? I really want to know, because I've never been that drunk. Sure, I've passed out and suffered the effects of alcohol poisoning but never been drunk enough to think that opening the door mid-flight was a good idea.

After 18, that 'thing' must just be wrecked.

To end this report, here's a video to make you smile. Geriatric porn star.

half a dolphin

2008-07-26T17:29:00.002-04:00

Now that's a criminal justice system. People complain about our way of life, how the hell would they like it if they were sentenced to hanging for public intox.

I don't agree with this. I'm with the guy, if it's your stuff you should be allowed to shoot it. Sure he's drunk and that could be why it didn't start but that's besides the point. You know, if this guy lived in Iran he'd be hanged for his crimes.

Really? The police have no idea why an armed gunman would come into a Christian radio station? Hmm. Could it be the radio station blasting it's Christianity over the air. Or it could be that he was a Christian nutcase, either way, it's crazy-related.

This would be one of the good times to remember about those pre-flight demonstrations conducted by the flight attendants. In case of emergency...

when it goes

2008-07-24T11:53:00.002-04:00

YES! Finally. Some good news. I say we take this one step forward and rename the parents with kids named "Number 16 Bus Shelter" and such. OK, I thought I heard some weird names but "Fish and Chips?" I don't know why that name got blocked and others didn't, but I guess it just depends on who you get at the office.

Huh? Marriage is racist? Oh, boo-hoo. Using racism as an excuse as to why you're not married is just lame. It is statistics, look at your dating history. What is the most predominant feature in all of those relationships? YOU! There you go, that's probably the problem. You know what? That was mean, I apologize.

One day, I'll make it. Although I should point out that for as much of a geek I am, I've never been to any type of convention. Seriously, I don't think I'd be able to handle that many geeks and nerds all located in one building. Still, I'd like to go someday.

I don't know why it's funny. Maybe because it is so honest. If nothing good is said about this guy, I'll say this: he's a responsible driver by limiting his use of the cell phone while driving.

This dumb bitch, with her dumbass daughter. It's a wonder that Caylee survived 2 years of life. Decomposition. a) The detective didn't say it smelled like human decomposition. b) They didn't find 19-day old pizza in the trunk. c) What the f**k are you doing driving around with pizza in your trunk when you're kid is missing?

Ah! Cell phone usage linked to brain tumors? I'd like to see those numbers, because I wish some users would get brain cancer. I love these statistics because you can skew them to say anything you want. Think about it, darn near everyone you know has a cell phone so it's safe to say that most of the people used in this study has a cell phone. But you know what else? Most of those people have two arms, so I'm issuing a warning that people with two arms are more likely to get brain cancer and the safest method to deal with this problem is to cut off an arm.
And comparing cell phone usage to Russian roulette is a bit extreme. That means there's a 1-in-6 chance of getting brain cancer with each usage. Here's a hint about Russian roulette, death always wins in the end.

how does that work?

2008-07-22T02:27:00.002-04:00

I saw this news report on TV and I thought something was weird about the whole thing. I mean, missing a whole month before the child was reported missing? What the hell? Did she go on a vacation while someone else was babysitting? Oh, but the "babysitter" never existed apparently, because the police can't find any record of a person living at the place. Maybe she was scammed? Like a fake babysitter. What luck this woman has, she happens to leave for a month and leaves her kid with a kidnapper. That's amazing, she's the unluckiest person alive.

A loaf of bread costs 100 billion dollars? Granted its Zimbabwe dollars but that's still a lot of money. Imagine what you could do if you went over there and exchanged a few dollars on the currency market. You could walk away with billions of dollars. Gotta love that hyperinflation. The same people that figure out what things are worth do our math too. Dumbasses. Dude, do you know what $1.5 million in toilet paper looks like? Or $36 million in sporks? They must be charging toilet paper by the square.

He's just moving like Forrest Gump. That'd be sweet. Although I imagine almost as expensive as driving. You gotta feed those horses.

You'd think that it could run faster, but weird. Not that 6-legged part, but that a vet would be reluctant to release it back into the wild. Sure you're probably wondering how the hell, but I'm wondering if it is functional.

Hmm. A thief or a moron? Suspected thief, convicted moron.

My guess would be a disgruntle zebra but that's just my opinion and she seems to have a solid alibi.

don't believe it

2008-07-19T22:04:00.002-04:00

I just don't believe it. Well, not that the hostage would commit suicide but the whole ordeal. I mean, the other hostages commented on the fact that they were not doing well, physically or psychologically. So what's this about Jason surprising the people taking care of him? There were people taking care of them? I just know I'd be a terrible hostage, pleading with my government to nuking the whole damn country.

That'd be the best excuse for being late to work. Whale carcass. I'm curious though, I never knew that vehicles had ethnicities. What makes it a "Hawaiian" truck? Seriously.

Bahahaha. Another story of another moron. Although to be honest, I blog about these things too. Hmm. I may want to rethink this whole thing. Oh well, 22 days to go.

hot cocoa

2008-07-15T23:17:00.002-04:00

Two life sentences each? Really? That'll be like 10 years. Well, they wanted the money to make sure that they're taken care of right? Well, that's what prison will do for them. It'll probably keep them around for 20-30 more years. 23 policies? Yeah, that's a bit excessive.

What? I'm not questioning the validity of this story. It's fine. He lied, he's off of disability, he'll probably have to go back to work. No. My problem is that his face is blurred but they give his name. How is that protecting his identity?

OK. This I have a problem with. If this stands, then you have the possibility of sex offenders moving in next door or down the street from the school. And that's not cool. I'll admit that maybe the guy that committed the offense against the 13yo when he was 15yo probably shouldn't be labeled a sex offender but that's the exception not the rule. I'm sorry but most sex offenders are likely to re-offend, allowing them to live/work around schools or where lots of kids hang out is just neglience. Like this guy. A website? C'mon. Regular criminals don't make websites promoting their crimes. Pro-armed robbery websites? Not likely. Maybe some of the more disturbed murderers would make a website, but that's disturbed. If that ain't a reason to re-enact Megan's Law... because one child molested is one too many.

I could mention that I saw this story on an episode of Grey's Anatomy, but instead I think I'll make fun of myself (or rather my family). Yup. 140lbs tumor removed? My parents had one removed back in 1998. The year I went to college. You see, in this story, I'm the tumor. Eh, it loses meaning if I have to explain it.

not the end

2008-07-11T23:47:00.002-04:00

Because George Carlin would have something to say about the wording. Near collision? Near miss. A crash is a near miss; as in, "*CRASH* Look, those planes nearly missed." Yes, but not quite.

Not quite what I was conversing with Zeb about, but pretty close and hilarious. Sometimes these things are taken too literally. Of course the picture added along with the article is the pretty darn scary.

When crime really doesn't pay off. Don't get me wrong, it was an ingenious idea but costs more in the long run.

Money worth more than its face value.

It's these types that make me want to toss them out 30 minutes prior to landing. I don't think he was irate about being a first-class passenger not getting off the plane first but rather just an impatient drunk with really bad judgement.

set it on top

2008-07-07T23:44:00.002-04:00

Really? Racially motivated? Splitting a dog in half is a message for??? No, I'm afraid there's a young serial-killer-in-training in the neighborhood. I could see it being speciesist related. You know, like if the suspect is a cat-person. There's also the possibility of some sort of King Solomon-related parable going on there. You know, two kids fighting over the dog so you split the dog in half.

Sure. A drinking game rated 'T' for teen. I don't think I like Pong Toss. Still, I guess you could use water instead of beer. That'd make it healthy right? How about orange juice? Well, I'm just going to have to settle for the live-action version of it.

As if we needed the motivation. It sounds like an excuse to tell women.

napalm &

2008-07-03T10:03:00.002-04:00

Mmm, doughnuts. Not that it wasn't a funny story but I have to wonder what kind of person actually tries to do something like that. I was trying to figure that out; this person had to be a somewhat spiritual person since they believe in souls. Or just a sadistic person thinking that they don't need souls but would like to make a quick buck. Still, you gotta admit that there is a certain amount of appeal to have your eternal soul reside in a pizza joint.

It expresses the hopes, the dreams and the independent spirit? It's money, it expresses capitalism. Don't get me wrong, I think it's kinda cool. Braille on money. What I find disturbing is that only 10% of blind kids know how to read Braille. What the hell? I know there's technology out there that reads stuff to you, but honestly, that's like 10% of non-blind kids knowing how to read out of a book. Wait, now that I think about it... that sounds about right.

Really? You can't see the possible link? Dumbass cops. OK, the connection between marijuana and saying killing 8 people is more of a stretch. Domestic battery, resisting officers, and aggravated battery. Yeah, how do you get a killer from that? Derr, one too many hits is how. Oh, he used blunt force trauma... hmm, nope there can't be any connection to say aggravated battery because that's using an object not normally a weapon as a one. Nope, can't see the connection. Now I could understand how Sheley wouldn't be the top of the suspect list, but to say that you couldn't see any connection as to how he could do that is just moronic and blunt force trauma needs to be applied to their skulls.

This is confusing. I'm a simply person. This is about racism right? I'm trying to figure out why they quote the judge in all of this. His ruling was the least racist of everything going on. Now the commissioners have got some explaining to do. And is it really necessary to file a federal lawsuit to desegergate cemeteries? Well, I guess we haven't come as far as I thought we had. Harris County made out like a thief in this whole ordeal though, $50 a day to store the body? Whew, that's like $18,250 a year.

Yeah. It is funny, but not for the reasons the guy thinks. I mean, who records themselves committing crimes and then posts it on the Internet? Well, I'm going to stop myself there because I really don't want them to stop. Heck, give the police and the courts irrefutable evidence to convict you. Unless you hire R. Kelly's lawyer.

And this has nothing to do with the economy. Nope. Not at all.

sillyputty

2008-07-01T17:23:00.002-04:00

Well, you'd think that falling over in the hospital would get you noticed but apparently not. Of all the places to get help when you die, the hospital should be the best place to get the quickest response. I guess not. Although I suspect that they'll put out a memo and anyone that wants to get seen quickly should just fall on the ground and play dead.

I don't understand. What's the problem? Muslims are offended? Fine. Let'em. I don't see a problem. You don't want the phone number? Fine. Stop crying about it. Grow some balls, be a man, don't complain about every little thing.

There are so many racist things I could say about this.

Doesn't PETA have anything better to do? Now they have a problem with sexual innuendos? To quote Dead Eye Dick "New Age Girl." - "She don't eat meat, But she sure like the bone."

I think I used to watch this show. Yeah... not an original idea apparently. Up in the next half hour? A talking horse.

you are all diseased

2008-07-01T03:26:00.003-04:00

Never had I done so much in a weekend and gotten absolutely nothing accomplished.

It all starts Thursday, when I got word from my unit that I was definitely going to fly out to Utah in order to try and get into training. OK. Fine, I fly out Friday morning. How hard is it going to be for me to pack up everything I'll need for the next 6 weeks without a packing list? Not hard. Call around to friends to see if I can get a ride to the airport the next morning too. No luck, so I called a taxi.
Taxi ride from home to airport: $50.

Friday morning was like any other morning I guess, except for the fact that I had to get everything else ready. Pack up my computer, wash clothes, wash & put away dishes, finish cleaning apartment well enough so nothing grows in 6 weeks, and turn AC onto 76 so it's not stuffy when I get back. Check. Not bad for two hours.
I fly from Indy to Minnesota. Ya. Sure. You betcha. Got a nice 1.5hr layover. The St. Paul airport is nice, it's almost hard to tell if it's an airport or a mall. I mean, they have a Harley-Davidson store (not sure if I could purchase a motorcycle or not). Had a quick lunch at uh, I can't remember the name, something like The Maui Burrito. Whatever. I didn't realize that Maui had burritos. I had something called the Lahaina.
Airport lunch: $10.

I arrive at Salt Lake City a little after 5pm. The shuttle runs from 11am to 4pm. So I have to get a taxi.
Taxi ride from SLC to Army post: $68.50

I get to the Army post at around 6pm. I spend the next half hour trying to find the building I'm supposed to report to. Meanwhile, I'm hauling a duffel bag and one of those large wheelie bags along with my small carry-on. The building I'm supposed to report to has a sign that says I'm supposed to check in at another building, but that building's closed for the night. I knew I shouldn't have arrived so late on a Friday.
Finally, I locate an office that's open and contact the people I'm supposed to meet and check in with. When they show up, I'm informed that the class if full. That was to be expected. I was on the wait list. They did tell me though that they did take some people from the wait list, but did not have a lot of equipment in. That too was to be expected. They could take 3 more people, unfortunately, I was #4. That wasn't expected.
So now I'm stuck in Utah because I'm not scheduled to leave for another 6 weeks. Great. I have to find a place to stay until I can call the booking agency and get a flight back. There's only a slight chance of getting a flight that night and so I decide to postpone until the following morning. In the meantime, I'm allowed to stay in the barracks.
One night in the barracks: $6.00

Well, being the military, we're all one big family. I find two other guys in the class that are going into town to explore. I tag along. We end up hitting the bars. Had a good time. I have to say this from cruising around. Some of those Mormon girls are HOTT. Religion does a body good. Yum!
Anyway, we find a club and apparently we've ended up crashing some sort of pre-wedding festivities. Not like they rented the club, but they were there, we helped some of them get in for free (there's some sort of membership to enter any club in Salt Lake City) so we all hang out.
I end up talking with some girls, they were Kappa Kappa Gamma's. Being a fratnerity man I had to cozying up to them.
Clubbing out in Salt Lake City: Price unknown.

Ended up drinking until out midnight and had to head back to the base, sans girls. Woke up at approximately 5:30am because my roommate wanted to get up at that time. Call the military's travel agency and got a flight. Yes, it leaves in a few hours. Luckily, I haven't unpacked. Nor have I taken a shower or changed clothes. I may want to do that before I'm stuck out on another flight for several hours. Some other guys (not the ones I partied with) give me a ride to the airport so I don't have to spend money on the taxi.
For the return trip, there was some weather they the plane avoided, costing me almost a connecting flight. I make the connection with only 10minutes to spare. Not 10minutes from the boarding time, but 10minutes from push off. Luckily, Dallas/Ft. Worth airport has a rail system in place now because my flight got in on the northeast side of the concourse and my connecting flight was on the southwest side of another concourse on the complete opposite side of the airport. It would've taken me probably an hour to get there (with running through security again) and I wouldn't have made it.
Make it back to Indy at about 9pm. No one I've called can help me. I haven't called a few friends because they live just a little too far out of the way and I'm not willing to call them to pick me up from the airport. I finally get through to one of my friends that lives nearby and he agrees to pick me up. I'm home again.

So basically, I flew out to Salt Lake City to party one night with a bunch of girls and then flew back. It wasn't a bad way to spend a weekend, however, it was not productive because the reason to fly wasn't for that purpose.
Although I have to admit that it is like the military in the sense that I spent the entire weekend doing something and got nothing accomplished. I spent most of Sunday unpacking and doing homework from the last two weeks that I didn't think I had to do because I was going to drop the quarter in order to participate in the training.

you asked

2008-06-25T23:27:00.003-04:00

You know, some of my ideas are outside of the box when coming up with causes & effects. However, I think this one is in another zip code. Never in my life would I think that global warming would give rise to threats in national security. It's an interesting idea, but really? I don't think it directly affects terrorism. I guess that's just one more reason to drive flex-fuel cars or driving a hybrid. Up next, the global war on global warming. I gotta think of a snappy operational name.

This is BULLSHIT. What the hell is going on? I say open up the use of capital punishment. Introduce public flogging. Let the victim choose the punishment. To hell with this touchy-feely criminal justice system. Cruel & Unusual? You bet. Punishment is supposed to be cruel and unusual, otherwise it's not effective. On the 6 o'clock news tonight, a son and father are flogged together for a crime committed by the kid. Huh. Hold the parents accountable. Show the kids what happens when they commit a crime. If a victim wants the convicted to die, I say good. Sure, put a limit on it; like you can't get the death penalty for stealing a candy bar. The same punishments apply as they do today (or slightly modified) but let the victim choose what happens.
Oh no. A child rapist dies... I'm crying on the inside. I guarantee that the death penalty reduces the recidivism rate. Sorry, this stuff makes me a little angry. My contribution in remembering George Carlin.

Huh. I thought he killed himself because he got caught and was ashamed. My bad, apparently it's the tv show's fault. I say it's good, one less possible child molester out in the world. Everyone wins.

Hmm. Something about this doesn't jive with my senses. I believe the family, not the company. Yeah, I think an autistic child would be uncontrollable. Flying could be an issue. I don't think that a pilot would turn the plane around because she didn't put her bag in the overhead compartment. Granted, aviation security has increased in the last few years, but nothing to this level (I hope). Of course I'd be happy to find out that the kid wasn't autistic and she was kicked off the flight for not complying with FAA regulations.

I'm guessing that the 30-minutes-or-less delivery timetable isn't strictly observed. That's good stuff man. This is real news.

Hehe. It's an anti-redneck law.

For a hiking zebra I know.

if it at

2008-06-20T12:35:00.002-04:00

Apparently, some time after 10am on Tuesday, my downstairs neighbor was outside doing some gardening when she came across a black cable. Thinking nothing of it, she hacked away cutting that cable and thereby severing my connection to the outside world. Nah, she just cut my Internet access and cable TV.
It is now Friday and the Internet and TV have been restored. I know what you're thinking. Someone like me going without both of those things for 3 days would be crazy. And it would be too had it not been for the Stargate SG-1 marathon I was conducting at the time. 10 seasons, each with 21-22 episodes (42 minutes a piece). Not a bad way to pass the time.

Thong injury? Yeah, not what I thought it was going to be. I was thinking something along the lines of an atomic wedgie. Huh, shows you how much I know about women's underwear because I didn't know they came with decorative metallic pieces. Plus, I don't want to think about 52 year-olds purchasing or wearing thongs. And I wonder why they didn't allow them to see the evidence.

Holy c-section Batman! 28lbs? Twins? Uh, that's huge. And somehow they managed to compare it to the other largest twins in the state, which was 18lbs. Geez. What the hell were they feeding them? Steroids? There's healthy and there's obese. I'm just saying from a statistical standpoint, if say a healthy baby is somewhere in the vicinity of 7lbs, those twins were 28lbs and average that out to 14lbs a baby, then those babies are twice as heavy as a normal baby. Of course looking at the glass half-full, we come to the conclusion that the twins are twice as healthy. Welcome to the world kids.

I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole. Cocaine is a helluva drug.

What the hell is going on in Canada. No seriously. Because the last time I checked, it costs money to take someone to court. And unless allowances have gotten bigger, I can't imagine a 12 year-old having that kind of funding. So I'm guessing that either she got financial support from a third-party or someone did the work pro bono. Since that means adults. You can't sue your parents because you think a punishment is unfair! And the punishment was "too severe?" No, this is severe. And this is severe. (To clarify, I still don't think they can be described as "torture.")

I'll say it again. Cocaine is a helluva drug. WTF? Is that what's cool now?

the day after

2008-06-16T22:51:00.002-04:00

Ah. Father's Day violence. Nothing says "Happy Father's Day" like busting a cap in your baby's momma.

OK. I'm not saying what she did was right or wrong, but what the hell? What exactly was the purpose of the whole thing? Then, you gotta wonder what the hell is wrong with the girl. Dude, if a stranger told me that the world would be better off without me, I'd verbally agree with them but never hang myself. Self-esteem issues huh? I guess that's the difference between boys and girls. Well, I'm interested to see if this becomes a landmark cases. It could open the door to prosecuting online-bullying and such.

She's got a hot backside. That sucks the excitement out of that movie. I mean, she's hot! Show that backside. I wonder if I could stage a protest to support showing her ass. Eh. Not as depressing as the whole story. I like some junk in the trunk.

That dog has got to have the worse lawyer. Not only did he/she lost $10million but the grandkids got money too? Damn!

Dude! That's got to be the worse case scenario of an asthma attack ever. I bet that's not on any disclaimer. Asthma may cause blindness, loss of ability of walking and talking.

Brain music?

Eh. I guess that's not a bad thing. Democracy hard at work. Is it even legal to win when no one votes? You'd think there needs to be a minimum above 0. Say... 1? Although if someone votes, they'd be blamed for the future problems until the next election.

father's day

2008-06-15T13:05:00.003-04:00

Because I am always forgetting important days like birthdays and anniversaries, days like Father's Day seem to be the worse for me. It's on the 2nd Sunday of the month, carry the 4, and don't forget to multiple for leap year. Grr. Thanks Internet, for helping me remember days like these.

There are tomatoes in McDonald's food? Huh. That just goes to show how much I know about fast food. And why are we getting salmonella from tomatoes now? Yeah, I realize that it's actually the food handling process, but it makes it sound like that the tomato is the actually source of the bacteria? Virus? Disease? Hmm, I am now able to link illegal immigration to salmonella... more to come on that.

Aw. I love a good love story. You know, where they overcome the obstacles they face, battle the stereotypes, and/or fall in love in the most unusual of circumstances. Let me get this straight (no pun intended), the church is saying it is not a marriage. So what's the problem? Is it that they're priests? Gay? Or that the liturgy contained "Dearly beloved..."?

This is truly a tragedy worthy of a news story. He should've gotten both dogs. Yup. A damn shame. I'm kidding. It sucks, but the dog was on the leash which I'm guessing meant that the owner (Robert Machin) should of had positive control of the dog. i.e. doggie no go under street sweeper. This version has no spin to it. I love how the end makes the driver and the city sound like a villian by stating that the driver is still at his job while the investigation is ongoing. The only way they could spin this more is if they said "So dogwalkers beware!"

Excessive? No. Throwing a nurse in jail for 10 months for allegedly stealing the police officer's weapon is excessive. I gotta wonder what the evidence in that case was?
PROSECUTION: She was there, therefore she committed the crime.
JUDGE: Are you backing that up with facts?
P: Yes, your honor. She admits to pulling the police officer from the vehicle.
J: OK. By your hypothesis you have proven you're case.
Uh, yeah. $7 million isn't excessive. Forcing the prosecutor to be castrated for making such a case might be excessive. Oh, she's black. Yeah, she must've done it.

I hate crimes against children. That's just wrong. However, I wouldn't call this torture. Abuse? Yes. Torture? No. I mean, torture implies that there was something the lesbians wanted from the kid. Either pleasure or information and I can't see how the 5 year-old had any information relevant to extract. And call me racist, but judging by the names I'm going to go ahead and say he's black and so is his mother. Maybe the girlfriend too.

Uh, yeah. Aren't those fancy vehicles designed to prevent such a thing? Well, I'm guessing that someone is suing Lexus.

one day

2008-06-13T23:20:00.003-04:00

OH NO! Goose is dead. Again. That sucks. Navy Fighter Weapons School. The pilots call it "Top Gun." You know that they were contemplating doing a sequel?

There's no money in selling gas? So that billion dollar industry is what? A not-for-profit agency? Maybe they smell the age of the alternative fuels coming and want to get out of that business. Although I have no idea what they are going to do. I guess there's a lot of money from petroleum-based products. Those hybrid cars still use tires to roll around on, gotta love the money in that.

5 years? That's it? For the guy that plotted to kill a bunch of people at the Super Bowl? That's it? Oh, he's not a bad kid. I could understand five years for plotting, but the fact that was he was caught in the parking lot with a rifle and a lot of bullets. It wasn't like he was just on MySpace talking about it, he was IN THE PARKING LOT! OK, maybe it's a bit harsh I dunno. His defense was that he snapped? I can see how not getting a liquor license requires the shedding of innocent blood, but how is 200 rounds going to accomplish that? I mean, unless he's a pro or he's got plenty of ammo it can't be done. "Drunkenstein"? That's got to be worse villian name ever.

Holy cow! Those are some thunder thighs. I'm not making fun of her or her condition. Just the thighs. Dang...

it's a bird

2008-06-08T01:06:00.002-04:00

There's just so much to say about this story. A) It's not a news story. Man that jumps out of a plane usually dies, unless that plane is parked at an airport. B) What the hell? Not foul play, because the guy was retarded. C) Dude, I would not like to have lived at that place. Ha! There's roof damage... classic guy jumping from airplane problems. I'd be more worried about the dead guy on the lawn, but hey, that's just me I care about people.

Oh. I got the wrong idea from headlines. I thought the city was going to install meters where panhandlers usually locate and charge them by the hour to do their thing. Sorta like parking meters. That's just a stupid idea, because the panhandlers would move, plus it takes away from their income. And what's a story about poor people without a religious nut. Poor people don't misuse money! C'mon! You know they're just putting that hand-out money towards a savings bond that'll mature in 30 years. That's why they're poor. They're not poor, they just invested everything they own into stocks. Ha! The IRS can't collect on me if I live on the streets!

The Phoenix Mars Mission will go down in history. Not because it is a mobile test lab designed to find the suitability of life on Mars. Nope. It's not because the first attempt to dump the soil missed, again proving that rocket scientists aren't the brightest bunch. Nope. It is because it's the first mission to another planet that packed a sex toy in it's inventory. Yup. A vibrator. If the Martians don't think we're pervs, they will now. Can't find life? Lose the sex toy, they don't make for good first contact material anyway.

Um. Yeah. He's guilty. Nothing says "I love you" like killing your family. Dude, if you love'em that much, splurge and get them a Hallmark card. Really, that's the defense they're going with? I suppose the one thing that he has going for him is the fact that he bought the plane ticket after he killed his family. I want to know what being computer-savvy has to do with finding porn on the computer? Oh, that's not my porn, I know how to use a computer... Or, that's not my porn, that's someone else's! Look, that defense didn't work as a teenager, it doesn't work as an adult. Trust me. The "dog ate my homework" defense doesn't work often. Too much forensic data to collect. The crappiest part of the whole thing is that a 9-month old had to die. That's just not cool. I'm sure the woman had it coming, but that sucks about the baby.

I swear, I'm not high but that's a funny story. It's honorable, but hilarious at the same time. Up next, Jesus takes a job as a Walmart greeter.

murphy's law of probability

2008-06-03T19:26:00.003-04:00

This thought was running through my mind as I was driving home from Best Buy after I got a new stereo in my car. There was a cop fast approaching from behind and I thought, it would be hilarious if I got pulled over again.

Rewind to April 27...
I was driving up to help Bill and Sabrina move out of their place in Noblesville. I was in a rush and took my iPod and my debit card. What's the harm in that? Well, I was about a mile from my place on my way up when a noticed a cop ahead of me. I slowed down to avoid him, so he could get through the stop light and I'd get caught by it. Whew.
As I'm sitting there at the light I notice that there's a cop behind me. What the hell is up with all of the 5-0 crowding my junk? OK, the light's green, time to go. As I'm moving forward what's happening? Oh, he's turned on his siren. Gurrreat.
PO - "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me - "No."
PO - "You're missing your exhaust."
Me - "OK."
PO - "License and registration."
Me - "Um..."

Long story short. No license on me, I'm not in the database, and my registration is in Texas. Which apparently is a faux pas since I've lived in Indiana for a few years. I'm sitting in my car as the police officer is trying to find me in the database or writing my ticket, a tow truck pulls up. Also, at this point, there are two additional police vehicles behind me. I feel like this is turning into a felony stop (or everyone else is bored). The police officer walks up to the car and tells me that he's towing the car since he can't find evidence of a driver's license.
Car towed and I'm home again. Bill & Sabrina have graciously let me borrow one of their cars. So I'm driving the Crown Victoria and I've got a court date.

Fast-forward to May 28...
Court. Prove that I had a license. Check. Get Indiana state license. Check. New insurance. Check. Register vehicle. Uncheck. Court says I can have a vehicle. Yay!

Fast-forward to the last few days...
So, how to register vehicle... Oh, go to BMV with title, insurance, and license. Out-of-state registration? We need to see it. OK. Go to impound yard to get it. Impound yard says that they can't release it without police department approval. Fine. Go to police station. Police say to get affidavit to get registration. Go back to impound yard call dispatch and get PO to do an affidavit.
Finally get car registered in Indiana and go back to impound lot. Oh, I forgot to get the police department's approval. Fine. Drive back to police station and get paperwork stamped. Drive back to impound place.
Now it's raining. So I get vehicle back, but the guy tells me that the car got broken into and someone stole my stereo. Oh. What about my tools? No? OK. Get into car and look at tools. Yup, no one stole the whole toolbox. Good. Open toolbox. Oh, someone just stole all of my SAE sockets, which I had a lot of. Great.
Interesting... they stole only specific items (besides the stereo). They didn't take my Oakleys. They left my power converter. They didn't take the power drill. Yeah, I think it was an employee, but apparently the impound place isn't liable for stuff stolen from vehicles, especially for ones that stayed in as long as mine did.

Vehicle impounded for over a month. $1137
Registration and licenses. $112
New tools. $239.11
New car stereo. $352.42
A month's worth of gas in the Crown Vic. $313
Getting pulled over after spending all this money? Priceless. For everything else, there's Mastercard.

I've been flying under the wire and it was bound to catch up with me. I just didn't think it was going to be so expensive. Well, lesson learned. And, now I'm pretty much a resident of Indiana.
There's more to the story but this was the highlights. Yeah. The highlights.

make money

2008-06-02T22:28:00.002-04:00

It started with a discussion about Oxegen AKG. Basically, the commercial and how silly it sounded. Then, I wondered about other products out there and maybe something I could do to cash in on the stupidity of others. You know, like the Pet Rock or something equally ingenious.
I found this gem, but the actual product website may be harmful to your computer. I want one, or I want to give this gift to family and friends. I checked it out on Amazon.com and I was amazed at the product features. It takes a 9volt battery!
If you read the comments left by others, it's actually pretty funny. I just want to know how many are actually out there floating around in people's living rooms. You gotta love people that have ideas like this.

put a fork in me

2008-05-30T18:48:00.002-04:00

My friends Bill and Sabrina have been married now for almost a week. Although they've acted like a married couple for at least two years. So, I'm waiting for pictures from the photographer via the married folks, in order to post some. I've got a couple of pictures, but I found it difficult to take pictures because I was in the wedding.
So me and friends arrived late Saturday night and for us drinking starts shortly after arrival. Not heavy drinking mind you, it was late. Eventually, we all headed off to bed and an inflatable bed was pulled out for me. I get to bed about 2:30am, yes, it's early but we have to get up to do some last minute stuff. Of course do you know what time I get up because the puppy is running around and runs over me, discovers its me and wants to play? Oh, about 4am. Then the sun floods the room at about 5:15am.
By about 10am, we're all up and eating breakfast (McD's provided by groom) and drinking beer. Of course we're not just drinking, but we're doing last minute stuff. Setting up lighting in the tent (Darius & I get that lovely honor) and doing sound checks, some rehearsals with and without music. We're also setting up the "open bar" and testing it out.
As far as music goes:
Prelude - Classical Music (i.e. Bach, Chopin, etc)
Processional - Enya
Recessional - Top Gun Anthem
Dinner - Sinatra
Garter - "The Stripper" David Rose
Bouquet Throw - Mission Impossible Theme
First Dance - "Eternal Flame" The Bangles
Bride/Father - "My Girl" The Temptations
Groom/Mother - "Moondance" Van Morrison

Music wasn't the problem. There were no big glitches in the whole thing which I thought wasn't possible. Oh, and it turns out that me and my fraternity brother Tim were the only two single people to show up. Look, had I known, I would've brought a date. But it's a wedding. You don't bring a date to a wedding. That's like bringing a deer carcass hunting.
Also, there was still no clear cut assignment of Best Man between me and Darius. We attempted to figure this out between us. Uh, let's see. Darius got to escort the MOH, carry the ring, and would go on to do the toast. While I had to plan the bachelor party, pick up the tuxes, and do the music. Of course going with the theme of the party, Bill didn't tell us we had to do a toast until the dinner. Ha. Darius was good on his feet and I just stood there like a mannequin.

Since we didn't know where they were registered, Wes and I got them a Top Gun poster (which we ironically got for them before the music was selected). Bill bought the guys in the wedding party, all gigantic beer mugs which we used that weekend. Also, Bill and Sabrina got me a Jack Daniels zippo, which is awesome because if you had to describe me in three words that'd be it. Or Lego Star Wars.

It was a good weekend even if I had a little too much to drink and ended up doing my best impersonation of a supermodel. Pictures to follow soon.

not my calling

2008-05-22T23:15:00.002-04:00

So this week has been a strange one. My buddy decided at the last minute that he wants tuxs. Did I spell that right? So no big deal. I just have to pick up mine, his and the best man's. I mean, it's not like it's the last week of the quarter and I've got all these projects due.
Pfft. It's not like he asked me to do the music too. Oh wait. Yeah. I'm doing the whole music for the wedding. You wouldn't believe how much has to go into just planning the music. Prelude, Processional, Recessional, Reception, and the whole thing. Wow, is there alot. Somehow I've been promoted from groomsman to deejay.
Sidenote, somehow in the joking around with the musical selection, I managed to convince the bride and groom to use the Top Gun intro for the bridal march. I WAS JOKING! and somehow it made the list. Seriously! OK. It's not like I'm taking care of the lighting too. Wait a sec...

Also, I found out something weird about my bank. I can go in, deposit money, inquire about my statement, and do any number of things. Except withdraw from my account. Oh, I can withdraw but they'd charge me a dollar! A frickin' dollar to withdraw money from my own account? I wanted to withdraw money for the wedding, hundreds. The teller suggested I go out to the ATM and pull out the money there, then come back in so they can change the 20's into 100's. Grr. When did withdrawing money become so hard?

sign on the door.

2008-05-12T23:22:00.002-04:00

It's like Y2K all over again. This time it's at the pumps. You know, I haven't seen one of those old-style readers in a long time. I'm just surprised that the pumps could go up to $3.99. What I'm not surprised is that they can only count up to $99.99. I see a problem with posting the sign with the price of half-a-gallon of gas. Everyone is going to think that's the price of gas, swamp the place and then complain because gas is full price but displays half of it.

Interesting. Painkillers don't prevent Alzheimers. Hmm. OK, I gotta wonder about how these "scientists" came to the conclusion that taking Aleve could prevent Alzheimers. Derr, these people didn't get Alzheimers so it must be Aleve. Oh, they also drank plenty of water. Maybe that'll prevent Alzheimers. They inhaled through their noses, maybe that's the preventative medicine we're looking for. And they sit on their butts. *gasp* Is that the cure? What really scares me are the warnings that come with Aleve and Celebrex. Gastroinstestinal bleeding? Heart risk? It seems that drugs tend to cause more problems than they're supposed to help huh? Take this pill to help with your heartburn, but it causes your eyes to pop out at random.

Boy burned by the stupid game. It must be awfully boring in Wisconsin. Fun with burning other people.

Well, at least they were nice enough to put a sign out stating what was going on. Maybe a better idea would be to give doseages so you don't drive out nearby neighbors. Although I have to admit that it does seem to be a popular way to go. Cheap for sure. If that was happening here though, you know outraged parents or whoever, would ban detergent or sue Tide.

Wow. Those British girls are hardcore. Bombings? What are they? Irish? ooOOoo. Damn Catholics, always bombing Protestants.

In a bit of celebrity news. It's like the pot calling the kettle black.

Indiana Primaries

2008-05-06T22:41:00.002-04:00

You know what I hate about elections? It's not that we're faced with candidates that say they're about change while maintaining the status quo. It's not the idea that we're perpetuating a broken system. Nor is it about the campaign funding that represent major corporations but do not represent the people.
No. You know what I really hate about elections? Preempting regularly schedule programing!!! Stupid elections, it doesn't matter who wins, we all lose. I'm pissed about missing my shows because they're being tossed assigned for news coverage of polling locations. Who the f*ck cares about who Joe C*cksucker and his wife voted for. Is it newsworthy? No. Not a lot of things in this world is newsworthy.

And how crappy my DVR is because it doesn't take into consideration stuff like this. I pay alot of money for my cable and it sucks. Unfortunately, I'm stuck between sucky cable and nothing.

I HATE ELECTIONS!

the petting zoo

2008-04-22T00:26:00.003-04:00

CNN. Well, it's news. I've come to rely on such Internet news sources. And no, I'm not talking about an over logging-on of the Internet. It's just that I got to CNN for news, albeit sometimes for funny news but news nonetheless. However, I do not go to CNN for apparel. No, I don't want a t-shirt with a "catchy" slogan like 'Hips Don't Lie' singer pushes education. - I just saw it on CNN.com...

And you think Iraq is bad? Ha! At least in Iraq you can shoot back. As if that would've helped the body count in Chicago. My question is, do you need an AK-47 to shoot up a plumbing store? Was the plumbing store the target? What did the plumbing store do to deserve to be targeted?

Wasn't making a political statement? Well, I suppose the meaning of the message is that we need to spend more money on education in South Carolina, especially Jonesville. I gotta wonder how many people actually attend the Jonesville Church of God with the population of Jonesville at 1,000. Perhaps it is the only church in Jonesville and everyone is God-fearing there. Well fear no more Jonesville! Your education funding is on the way!

I wish there was a stupidity law on the books. In a road rage incident, the person with the gun is supposed to shoot the other person. In this instance, he shot himself. Not that I want him to shoot someone else, but really, gun control means using both hands.

That must've been one big ass turkey or a puny 9 year-old. I'm gonna go ahead and call it, alcohol was a factor.

I never understood why there had to be compentency tests for these people. You wanna use the 'insanity' defense? Fine. Death. What? It's not like his 'compentent' enough to know what's going on. Just tell him you're taking him go see rabbits. That's right, I've read Of Mice and Men.

Stop. Hammer time. I was going to do the Entertainment Weekly version of this joke like: "Muslims want to replace Greenwich Mean-Time with Mecca Time. Meanwhile, MC Hammer petitioning for Pacific Time to be replaced with Hammer Time."

uh-oh

2008-04-18T00:30:00.002-04:00

OK. I uncovered another pet peeve of mine. Well, I don't know if I'd call it a pet peeve, but I dislike those reports and articles that like to make statistics an odds thing. Like 1-in-4, or 1 out of every 3 Americans... Dude, I realize that the point is the scare people, but it just pisses me off. Especially when you're with some friends and it's something like, 1 out of 5 Americans have genital herpes. There you are with four other buddies, so you laugh because there's five of you and according to that theory, one of you have genital herpes. I know it isn't "true" because there could be a group of five that all have genital herpes so it throws off the curb.
How many times did I say genital herpes? 3? 4 times? Sweet. I was just wondering how many, there's no other meaning.
OK, so I saw this article that had that odds-schmodds right in the headline. 1 in 5 combat veterans have mental problems? I was thinking about all of the combat veterans I know in my unit and it's pretty true. There's like two of us out of 10 that seem to have diagnosable mental illnesses. Of course in a broader stroke "mental problems" can be attributed to nearly 90% of the service members I know. C'mon, we've all gotta be crazy to join or stay in.

expanding the idea

2008-04-16T10:56:00.003-04:00

I dislike the notion of using obscure references especially when it comes to smell. Yes, I know most things have a distinct smell, whether or not someone can smell it though is a different issue. Still, this was brought on by Kreeesty and her smell comparison.

Now, in my life I have been exposed to many horrible smells and many nice ones. Yet, it is the horrible ones that I remember most vividly. I suppose that the description can just be a figure of speech, but I don't like it because it is imprecise. Looking at its structure, it is more like a simile. Comparing two unlike things. However, it is more likely to be a synesthetic metaphor whatever that is.

So we get to the scientific issue of the matter. To compare the two, we must have a basis of opinion on both. The only way to have an opinion is to have knowledge of it. In the case of smells, that means you have to of smelled both. Example: "Oh! That meatloaf smells like something from Michael's ass." You are currently smelling the meatloaf, that is implied in the sentence. Now, as far as 'something from Michael's ass,' you have to wonder why I am smelling things from Michael's ass.

OK, maybe not. Maybe you just take it at face value. I'm just dark and twisty like that. Just like the fact that I would actually spend the time researching it on the Internet. Trying to unravel the issue.

i wasn't going to say anything

2008-04-12T22:05:00.003-04:00

Remember back on Scrubs when Turk and Carla were trying to name their kid and they come up with Honor? For a girl? The rumor is Jessica Alba is considering Honor as the name for her kid.

"Did you get Honor?"
"I got Honor."
"Everyone got Honor."

That's just a terrible name for a girl. I mean it's a good sentimental choice, but unfortunately with today's lack of enunciation it becomes a bad name. It's not the same bad as "Apple" or some of the other celebrity kids' names but it's not good.

And it can't be Mildred either... that's the name of a blue-haired old lady in a nursing home.

unconventional party

2008-04-11T14:52:00.002-04:00

Even though it is the role of the best man and I ain't it, I've devised a cool bachelor party. This is taking into account for the wishes of the groom and bride. Now I would've happily planned a "traditional" bachelor party involving strip clubs, bars, strippers, and possibly a fight but I was glad to try to put this together too.

We've got a campsite reservation, where we'll live like men. Starting fires, roasting big ol' piles of meat, hunt and gather our food. Yeah, plus the drinking and more drinking, it'd be fun. OK, so we won't be hunting our food but there'll be fishing. Drunk fishing. We'll bring the meat in a cooler, and we'll roast what we can. Sing songs, tell stories, just like it's portrayed on cave walls.

I did have an idea to make a trip to a wind tunnel so we can simulate skydiving. (Skydiving would be a little too dangerous that this point) The only problem was that the nearest one that I could find was about 3.5-4hrs away, plus for $30 you only get like 3 minutes in the tunnel. There's a bunch of prep time like equipment and training, but still it's not a lot for that long of a drive. Not quite worth the hassle.

Maybe instead of celebrating my birthday in November, I'll move it to July. A few years ago, I opted to have a fun birthday and took my friends to the go-cart track but because it was November (in Indiana) we had to go to an indoor facility. Last year we got to go cliff jumping, which was awesomely awesome. Outdoors-y stuff is so much more fun during the summer. I think I'll take my friends skydiving this year. It's pretty darn safe, I mean the first couple of times it's always a tandem jump. It's not like they just take you up and toss you a parachute telling you "Good luck! See you on the ground!" or something like that. Just remember to go to the bathroom before you go up in the plane. There's nothing worse than landing with a wet pair of pants strapped to another man's chest. OK, there's the chute not opening, but at which point you'll wet yourself anyway.

i don't know

2008-04-08T23:50:00.003-04:00

Now I don't know for sure if I was ripped off, but I'm definitely suspicious. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but something just doesn't add up... Premium (93 octane) does cost a bit more but my car needs it. I know gas prices have risen in the past and sometimes drastically, but up to $32/gallon? Yesh.

It turns out that the printer at the pump was the source of the glitch. I checked inside to be sure, because I definitely have a problem paying $223.57 for 7 gallons of fuel. I really hope this isn't a snapshot of the future...

maybe not the best name out there

2008-04-03T02:43:00.002-04:00

OK. I was watching late night TV and I stumbled across a commercial for a new product called Oxegen AKG. I'm not sure what it's supposed to be. Some sort of dietary supplement or something. The webpage wasn't that helpful, nor was the TV commercial. The TV commercial probably explained it better, but I couldn't pay attention because I was laughing so much.

The actors or whoever in the commercial refer to the product as just Oxegen, which unfortunately is pronounced like "oxygen." They give their "personal experiences" with the product and how it helps in everyday life. It goes something like this, "I noticed a big difference in my workouts when I started using Oxegen." Which sounds like "I noticed a big difference in my workouts when I started using oxygen." Duh. "Oxegen gives me the boost I need to get through the day." Duh. As opposed to not using oxygen which would just mean you're dead.

Maybe that wasn't the best name for the product after all...

my story

2008-04-02T01:20:00.003-04:00

I consider B one of my good friends. I've known him for almost 10 years now. I met him in college, we joined the same fraternity, and we promptly dropped out of college... Not promptly, but it wasn't long before some drinking activities began to interfere with studying. Despite my joining the military and him returning home, we kept in contact with each other. There wasn't a ton of communication between us, but enough to keep the friendship going.

So two years ago, we both moved to Indiana. I was coming from Cincinnati and B was coming from St. Louis. I even moved into the same apartment complex as B because it was cheap and at least I'd know someone around there.

I don't know when it was, but somehow we stopped talking to each other. To be more specific (from my perspective) he stopped talking to me. I never saw him. He was working up in Kokomo and his girlfriend was up there too. Which I didn't think was too weird, I even understood it. He eventually moved in with his girlfriend into a new place that was sort of midway between where they lived. What irked me was the fact that even though I was never seeing or talking to him, he kept in contact with other mutual friends. Now, I haven't had a job for almost a year. I'm thinking that I've got plenty of time, but nothing. I know I sound like a girl complaining about not hanging out with a friend, but it pissed me off. I just didn't like hearing about fun stuff being done without me, secondhand from mutual friends. I learned from W that he had proposed to his girlfriend. I learned from W that they were moving (again), not that I know where they live now or have any idea where they'll be living in the future. I learned from W when the wedding was. I was really feeling left out. Or as we say in the Army, "butt sore." Yeah, it's as gay as you think it is.

Honestly, we didn't start hanging out again until the skichair was built and tested. We're guys, that's what happens. We don't hang out unless there's a possibility of a story out of it.

Still haven't gotten an invitation to the wedding, but he has asked me to participate in it. W, M, and I have gotten registered as ministers, just in case they need officiants (is that a word or spelled right?) Plus, I'm trying to put together kick-ass bachelor party options (although that isn't my job). That's what friends do.

april fools

2008-04-01T01:11:00.002-04:00

8 years ago I was waiting to go to basic training.

5 years ago I was on a plane to Kuwait to participate in Operation Iraqi Freedom.

2 days ago, the DOD announced a Change of Status in an Army soldier. Keith "Matt" Maupin's remains were identified. So many held out hope for his safe return, but with each passing day that hope grew shorter and shorter. I know this wasn't the answer his family was wishing for, but it must be better than wondering.

We Will Never Forget.